" lower my standards made me less motivated . The human relationship drain me mentally , and it was one of those post where even though I knew it was untimely , I stuck around . No amount of attention or sex is worth wasting your clip . "
Recently, Reddit useru/foodielyferasked the women of the Reddit community: “Women wholoweredtheir [dating] standards, what happened?” They didn’t hold anything back (and rightfully so). These women got candid about their relationship experiences and how it impacted their lives.
So, here are some eye-opening stories about women lowering their standards in relationships:
Warning : This post contains topic of verbal contumely and domestic abuse . Please proceed with caution .
notice : Everyone ’s relationship standards are unlike , and if they do n’t give to some , that does n’t mean they do n’t use to others .
1.“Lowered my standards for a guy I wasn’t physically attracted to, but he had a nice personality and we got along well. The sex left me consistently unsatisfied — but again, nice guy, so I made it work with my handy dandy pocket bullet. At the end of the day, once he got comfortable, he began playing mind games (ignoring my calls because he wanted me to ‘miss’ him, asking me to find him a threesome partner, and gaslighting the shit out of me). We broke up after two months, and I was resentful. If I was going to get dragged through the coals like that, I wanted to atleastlook back on the sex and be like ‘Aight, it was a mixed bag.’ But nope — it was two months wasted. This was like a year ago, and I still start swinging at the air when I remember how foolish I was. Don’t lower your standards, ladies.”
— u / Ok_Form8772
2.“Many female friends of mine laughed at me and told me not to date him, saying I was ‘doing charity work.’ I asked him out anyway. He treated me like crap, belittled me, insulted me, shouted at me when I was suffering from anxiety, and never spent time with me. He was tight AF about birthday and Christmas presents (despite having a large inheritance). He’d sneer at me across the table randomly, and I didn’t understand why. I was his first relationship, so I tried very hard with him for months. Then he dumped me in a public place in our college because his friends told him to.”
" He insisted that I ' had n’t done anything haywire and was the perfect girl , ' but still did n’t verbalise extremely of me for age after the breakup .
Lesson learned : NEVER frown your standards , and do n’t be nice 24/7 to someone who ’s cruel to you . "
— u / Furryhat92
3."[I wound up] reducing myself more and more to manage his insecurities, which seemed to grow the further you get from their ‘Omg, she picked me’ excitement. The more insecure they get, the more they try to destroy you until you don’t recognize yourself anymore. Then when you finally leave after all this contortion and amputation of the self, you can’t stand yourself or comprehend what you were thinking. It’s also then that everyone comes out of the woodwork to tell you they could never understand why you were with them."
— u/21stCenturyPeasant
4.“My ex lived in his mom’s basement (he’s now 50 years old) and made excuses that ‘she needed him there’ (she does not). He was lazy and selfish and never made any future plans with me to move out (even though we did start looking at one point). He used to work out a lot and came knocking at my door when he was losing his hair and had ‘lost his body.’ Physical aspects aren’t everything, but looking after your heath and putting effort into yourself is important in a relationship. There was no emotional validation — he did not value me. He was emotionally unavailable. The best thing we can do for ourselves is be able to give ourselves the things we need first so we attract people who complement us — not drain us.”
5.“When I was 19, I wouldn’t date a guy who didn’t have a job, a car, and wasn’t working towards getting his own place (as I had a place and a job, but was working on the car). I had goals of an education or a career. I dated three people who had either all three of these things, or two out of three. One of them was a complete wast of time, one was a player, and the other sent my nudes to my friends. Another guy I dated was not what I considered up to par…he was unemployed, didn’t have a bus pass, and barely had any furniture in his bedroom at his mom’s (let alone considered getting a place).”
" When we start dating he had a business within one month and was dedicate to it — he was never late , and he never phoned in . He got his license and financed a vehicle within one year . Within three years , he run back to schooling and upgraded all of his marks . Within five age he was in college while working a full - time Book of Job .
He ’s been my husband of 11 years now , and is the most hard - working man I ’ve ever met in my life-time . He ’s constantly strive for adept . "
— u / CantChooseAFandom69
6.“He was a great and sweet man, but missed an adventurous streak I needed. We had a pretty great three years, but at the end of the day, it just didn’t feel right. I felt strange for leaving because he really was exceptional — he just didn’t satisfy my needs. I don’t regret our time together, and I don’t think he does, either. We got each other through some hard times, and I think we needed each other during that season.”
— u / HilPrime
7.“On Monday, I broke up with my partner. I promised myself that I wouldn’t lower my standards — I expected something good after being in a horrible four-year relationship with my ex. But with my recent partner, I’d been helping and supporting him in every way possible — emotionally, mentally, and financially. Conveniently enough, before he came into a chunk of money, he started getting weird, and during our last fight, he was ready to throw me out like a piece of garbage. It’s okay, though — today I feel 100% better, and I’m ready to move on in this new chapter of my life (especially fueled on spite to keep being successful, which is something he’s not).”
8.“Lowering your standards is not worth it. For a short while, I enjoyed being in a relationship and felt as though I had multiple aspects of my life together. Then later, the cracks began to show — we simply were not compatible. He knew it, and I knew it…like, ‘he couldn’t even hold a meaningful conversation’ levels of incompatibility. I’m single and happy now. I hope I meet someone who I’m compatible with, but for now I’m not lowering my standards at all.”
— u / okey - Dragonfly-8104
9.“I wound up with dudes who not only abused me and treated me like shit, but had the worst sense of entitlement I’ve ever come across. I have no idea where they got the audacity, but it’s pretty revolting when a solid 2 (inside and out) thinks they deserve nothing less than an absolute 10.”
— u / Clefarts
10.“I dated guy #1 for a year, then we broke up. I dated guy #2 for a year, then we broke up. I went back to guy #1 and had an on again/off again relationship for about three years. I would say I lowered my standards each time I went back to guy #1, and it wasn’t worth it. I kept hoping he would change and thought I could change him, but he didn’t do anything to help himself — so I left for good. In a way, it was worth it because not long after I left him, I met guy #3. We will be celebrating our one-year wedding anniversary in a week — if I’d kept my standards low, I would’ve never met my husband and built the life we have.”
— u / Glad - Raspberry1712
11.“It started to bring me down. I definitely believe in: ‘You become the company you keep.’ I became less motivated and more negative. The experience also really drained me mentally, and it was one of those situations where even though I knew it was wrong, I stuck around and then hated myself for it in the long run. No amount of attention or sex is worth wasting your time.”
12.“My partner isn’t adventurous, and the relationship isn’t passionate. I’ve wanted to leave for a while, but we have kids. Not being a match for my needs isn’t enough of a reason to break up my family — I’m trying to work through it, though. We work as a family — just not as a couple.”
— atomic number 92 / dontsaveher84
13.“I never had a boyfriend before, and never had people flirt with me — so suddenly when this guy started inappropriately touching me, I went toward it. Truthfully, he was never my type and I was never originally attracted to him, but the longer I stayed with him, there were moments I found him handsome (you know, after being used to being around him). His personality was creepy, but sweet in a way. Only later on did I realize this guy did NOTHING. He let me or his mom do everything, and he had potential to succeed but failed on purpose to live in his ‘comfort zone.'”
" He was inconsiderate , and only did matter when it was convenient for him . Because I later found out he went against my bounds , I learned it swear out him . He did n’t care if people cried or were frightened of him .
So , yeah : I run short through a lot — all because in the beginning I was like : ' Eh , I ’ll give him a shot . ' "
— u / TheMintyLeaf
14.“I gave this guy a chance after he asked me out — it surprised me when we got along. I quickly told him we couldn’t date, though — I was a bit embarrassed to be seen with him because he had a reputation of being an asshole. I got to know him better and his demeanor wasn’t as bad as it had been. I didn’t find him swooningly attractive, so I wasn’t ‘desperate for his attention.’ It wasn’t perfect at first, but we grew together and became pretty dang good at navigating disagreements. Now I think he’s the most handsome, funny guy ever, and we’ve been married for almost five years.”
— u / ragingveela
15.And: “Settling isn’t worth it — it’s just prolonging the inevitable doom. I was aware that I was lowering my standards to accommodate a man who wouldn’t even give me the time of day. He always acted like I was an inconvenience, and got mad at me whenever I said I missed him. But when he broke up with me twice, he begged me to come back (the second time, I didn’t go back to him). Even when I was still in love with him, it hurt to let go. But I realized I was just wasting my time, and it still would’ve ended badly.”
Note : Some storey have been edited for distance and/or clearness .
If you or someone you know is in immediate peril as a result of domesticated force , call 911 . For anonymous , confidential help , you could call the 24/7National Domestic Violence Hotlineat 1 - 800 - 799 - 7233 ( SAFE ) or chit-chat with an advocate via the site .
