" At the drome , I tell a char her yearling son was cute , and she looked at me with heavy exhaustion and volunteer me full custody . " — @MoiraDonegan
I very much support theWriters Guild of America strike, but if it goes on much longer, I’m afraidDan Levywill be severely injured by this snacking goddess:
the cleaning lady at paramount who is casually feed bite while picketing and does n’t observe her sign keeps almost slapping dan levy in the face because she ’s so into her snack is my hero
Many of the women featured in these weekly roundups are also members of the WGA, so make sure you follow all these hilarious ladies on Twitter!
1.
bear a crush as an adult is so embarrassing . I think someone is so fairly I have a tummy ache about it ? Bro be fr
2.
Can we please get some onetime celebrity to say disgraceful but excellent things alternatively of just announcing they ’re frightful ? Can Dame Judy Dench to be like “ pegging is an essential part of a happy marriage ”
3.
Welp I by chance skip my girl ’s toast into quarters alternatively of half so there goes my week
4.
say my married man i was concerned about the segmentation in this frock and this was his responsepic.twitter.com/gUgeKTalxc
5.
When my 2yo does n’t desire to talk any longer , she end the conversation with “ well-chosen natal day ” and walk aside waving bye .
6.
Once , my ma ’s friend Linda saw that I ’d put ginger in her apple Proto-Indo European formula and she messaged me on Facebook to say , " I see you slutted up my Malus pumila Proto-Indo European . " And I reckon about that comment a portion .
7.
Me : I went on strike , I ( as expected ) lost my job , I ’ve been out walking all week , it ’ll be so nice to unwind and regroup on Saturday . My Dog : Alright bet , imma go meet with that smoke in the yard tho .
8.
sat btwn two guy cable on a United flight today . one was coding and one was cheating on his wife
9.
Saw a guy on the picket crinkle & not to profile , clocked that he was n’t a writer . Way too much loot . reverse out , he was an broker , mad that he was the only federal agent out there with us . I said , “ Well , give thanks you for being here . It ’s very cool of you . ” He shrug & said , “ I bed conflict . ”
10.
it ’s so funny seeing quondam snakebite scars on a corporate professional lmao I know ur secret ! I know what u once were !
11.
Hate it for the Swifties , but " your friend in her 30s broke up with the man she ’s been date since her 20s , the man you ALL THOUGHT she ’d espouse , and now you have to deal with at least 18 months of her making the Most Unhinged Dating Choices Imaginable , " IS a Phase of Life .
12.
no prestigious degree in the world will help you understand gen z selling . you but have to be inveterate online
13.
" maybe teenagers today do nt wanna smoking pot because we wanna have REAL interests and spare-time activity " ok well in my Clarence Shepard Day Jr. we could multitask
14.
my five twelvemonth older texted me and I pretend I did n’t text back rapidly enoughpic.twitter.com/k5aBhqwoeL
15.
guy on the elevator asked me how tall I was i say 6’2 and he s like no way IM six foot , lets go back to back , I do because lol , he make his lady friend take a picture , looks at it says SEE there s eight inches between us and i was like child you wish you knew what eight inches looked like
16.
I ’m jealous of Gen Z for missing the era of the “ cute top . ” I once necessitate a forum about gild equip ideas and everyone enjoin “ jeans and a cute top ” and I said “ what ’s an example of a cute top ” and they all just express mirth and told me to Google it
17.
At the aerodrome I told a woman her toddler boy was cute and she looked at me with sound exhaustion and offered me full custody .
18.
The number of women who criminate you of intimate assault should be 0 , not 26 . You ’re mean of battle of Marathon .
19.
there should be like a 2nd horn on your car for when the lighter is fleeceable and the someone in front of you is n’t belong bc they ’re on their phone but you ’re not like sick about it . hi bestie i love you beep bleep it ’s drive sentence
Don’t miss last week’s funniest tweets by women:
aid ! ! I Physically Can not blockade express joy At These 21 Hysterical Viral Tweets By Women
…or the funniest tweets by women in April!
You ’ll Positively pop off laugh At The 50 Funniest Tweets By adult female Last Month
