" One day you ’re young and devil-may-care , the next you find yourself preferring high acclivity underwear " — @Heatinblack

Large parts of the US and Canada wereblanketed with thick wildfire smokethis week, so while we’re all inside waiting for the AQI to go down, you might as well catch up on this week’s funniest tweets by women!

New York and New Jersey are starting to look like the tupperware after you put spaghetti with love apple sauce in it

Make sure you follow all these hilarious ladies on Twitter!

1.

[ my first twenty-four hours in a drug cartel]kingpin : where ’s the cokeme : is pepsi ok ? hehe[later]police : this is the most heater holes we ’ve ever seen in a individual body

2.

magnanimous BIG CHICKENpic.twitter.com/Edo9TMuYo4

3.

In eminent shoal we added a bunch of random world loss leader to our facebook messenger chat , but most were onetime or fresh account that were inactiveexcept for Afghani President Ashraf Ghani , he did mark and manually left our schmoose . Also he obstruct our one friend

4.

My niece come home with a hicky and her parents require me to talk to her because COOL AUNT 🦸 🏽‍ ♀ ️ ( that ’s 31 with a 15 yr old 😅 ) Why I text her “ heyyyyy Hicki Minaj 🌝 ” Maybe I ’m emotionally stunted because there ’s no reason to toy this much 😭

5.

remember when cupcakes had this huge moment in like 2010 and cupcake shops open everywhere and you could n’t get normal desserts anywhere u had to eat mammoth ironical cupcakes that were $ 15 each

6.

NO THAT IS apparently NOT WHAT I’M attend FOR GOOGLEpic.twitter.com/U3DFED21ec

7.

One day you ’re immature and carefree , the next you determine yourself favour gamey rise underwear

8.

I asked my husband if he likes my new composition better than my erstwhile make-up and he got this panicked wait on his face , shout out something about a lying in wait , and I have n’t seen him since

9.

Just watched a charwoman pull back into her pip at Costco bc the sheik wait for her honked for her to hurry up . I feel so goddamned to have witnessed

10.

My sister has an original Charles Eames chairwoman and this is how she uses itpic.twitter.com/2I26IZAznF

11.

happy pride to all the Barbies I made buss each other

12.

You : You ok ? You take care pitiful . Me ( love that armadillidium vulgaris is the scientific name for a roly poly and they will never understand how alloy they really are ): It ’s probably just depression .

13.

My husband may be winning this argument but little does he know I ’m about to play up something he said 10 year that has utterly no relevance to what we ’re arguing about .

14.

Sorry for my extensive absence , I was on vacation**lying on my lav floor moaning

15.

My favorite eccentric of Facebook market place sale are " mass who gradually see its impossible to get disembarrass of a piano"pic.twitter.com / fBjMrNNT60

16.

Fashion designers : What do you want?Girls : To seem like nothing like our mums . mode designers : I bang , judge momma jean .

17.

Spent four years in Ohio , and now I get to leave on good demeanour

18.

My dad told me I vocalize like Stevie Nicks so I canceled the family I was gon na put him in .

19.

I was talk through my possible arctic monkeys concert outfit w/ my friend ( it ’s outdoors , it ’s gon na be cold out , sample to dress nerveless but hardheaded ) . She said “ okay but would you be hunky-dory with someone throwing a nursing bottle of piss at you with that on ? ” Now I got ta start over : (

20.

Guess who taught himself how to unfold the Timothy Miles Bindon Rice cooker and woke me up by screaming in between taste of hot ricepic.twitter.com/W5gALUpUcl

21.

something america actually catch proper is our consignment to air conditioning and ice rink cube in drinks . like yeah healthcare would be skillful but my god , room temperature water is an abomination

22.

I ’m a reclaim pleasure to have in class , which means I ’ll still probably do what you want but now I ’m not happy about it

23.

( walking up to don quixote ) hi i ’m a huge fandon quixote : * middle narrow down * you ’re a What ?

Don’t miss the funniest tweets by women in May:

You ’ll Literally Lose Your Mind Laughing At The 50 Funniest Tweets By char Last calendar month

…or the funniest tweets by women in 2023 (so far)!

QUICK ! Come Laugh At The 50 Most Hilarious Tweets By Women So Far In 2023 Before Twitter Becomes A Barren Wasteland