" Mid - scene , my 6 - year - old break to compose MAMA and DADA , then cross out both Book . Shocked by his own cruelty , he knit the varlet mutter ' not overnice of me . ' " — @adremily
If you were wondering what to gift expecting parents next time you’re invited to a shower, consider buying one of these gift cards for each of the four genders: her, him, baby, and online!!
Ah yes , the 4 genders(I’m baby)pic.twitter.com / Y8nzRnlydy
And make sure you follow all these hilarious parents on Twitter!
1.
6yo : Momma , conclude your eyes ! I have a surprise!Me : OK , but I do n’t desire a naked butt in my face when I open them.6yo : Nevermind .
2.
I was playing physician with my Thomas Kyd and she prescribe me a spud
3.
My kids have grown taller and they ’re just now discovering that the reasonableness I ’ve been catch them their snacks and drink in all these years was because they were too short to do it themselves , NOT because I ’m their personal handmaid . They are not happy .
4.
Psyched to see my kid ’s presentment at shoal so I can check out all the project the parents did .
5.
Toddlers are the best people on earth , I went out to dinner party at a diner with my 3yo and when we were done wipe out he enquire the server if we had to do the smasher or if he was going to do it .
6.
Life start the day all the kids can put on their own sun blocker .
7.
Nobody : Nobody : Absolutely nobody : My Thomas Kyd : as soon as we get home I ’m gon na get naked and reckon at my butt
8.
parent when you call for how their household vacation waspic.twitter.com/TvevxQOLfo
9.
My tiddler wake up , mumbled that she was n’t departed and was only rest her oculus , and then went back to quietus , and just like that she ’s quick to be a pa
10.
9y / oxygen : Oliver invited me to his bday party … I ask him what he want … he sound out a case of Prime . Husband : A case of Prime ? You mean , the energy drink?9y / o : Yea … He like Meta Moon . married man : Okie Dokie … [under his breath ] And now we fuck which friend ’s gon na deal the upright weed
11.
we devote for 13 to go to Dollywood with a friend all day yesterday and today he ’s thank us by being a huge asshole .
12.
My kid ’s preferent little square hash browns were out of strain and now he has to eat slightly bigger straight hash browns , so please respect our privateness during this difficult meter
13.
Mid - scene , 6yo paused to write MAMA and DADA , then baffle out both Christian Bible . appall by his own cruelness , he crumple the pageboy croak “ not dainty of me . ”
14.
My three year old just need me “ why do mamas cry sometimes ” and like how much time does she have
15.
I used to want my fry to be felicitous all the time , but then I discover happy shrieking is even louder than furious scream and now I ’m not so sure .
16.
What to have a bun in the oven When You ’re Expecting should have a chapter warning you that you ’re going to need a budget just for fruit
17.
[ It ’s our dog ’s 12th bday]My son : Happy birthday buddy ! Oh man … We’re gon na let you sniff so many butt today !
18.
" There were two sides fighting . One side was squeamish and the other side was very mingy . They almost killed Pablo Picasso . "
19.
“ I ’ll pretend I ’m a really sometime mom . Like 24 . ” -a third grader at the park that just made a pledged opposition
20.
At the park and my boy is play association football w/ a tiddler bring up Kevin . I ’ve never meet a kid named Kevin before . Kinda just thought Kevins only came in grownup mannequin … ya know like pigeons
21.
Did you breastfeed ? main dairy farm possessor and operator . rule feed and lap a million bottles a day ? Mixologist with food rubber credential .
22.
a zillion parenting books out there and not one about managing your cat ’s jealousy over the new babypic.twitter.com/Uq2dwC7yg2
23.
I was on the phone with my parents and I brought up how I ’m raise differently than they did , so they became justificatory sound out “ Well , expect how well you turned out ” and I heard my wife laughing all the fashion from Target .
24.
i was upturned with my 10 yo over something earlier and he say to me " you ’re just mad because you experience you do n’t even have $ 5,000 dollar sign . " i was n’t . but shit , now i am .
25.
Half of parenting is just hoping they forget this idea before Christmas
Don’t miss last week’s funniest tweets by parents:
20 Hilarious Viral Tweets By parent That Made Me misplace My Entire , Everloving Mind This Week
…and check out these hilarious parenting stories!
" I Wanna Pull Your eyeball Out And Look Through Them " : Parents Are Sharing The Most brainsick Thing Their nipper Said With Zero Elaboration
These 23 hoi polloi Did n’t Realize Their Childhood Habits Were Super Weird Until Their better half Was Like " WTF Are You Doing ? ! " 👀 👀 👀
