“ ' I have in mind , I do n’t love her . But I do n’t need to be divorced . Why ca n’t she just feel lucky that I do n’t want to bequeath her ? ' — My ex - hubby to our third marriage counsellor . "
Recently, we wrote about moments people knew their marriage was over, and now, we’re back with more from theBuzzFeed Community(and the originalReddit thread). Read on to see why people got divorced.
1.“Seven or so years of on and off counseling, and when the last therapist quit mid session after telling us that my ex ‘was just using the sessions to complain about me and refusing to actually work on herself and that she didn’t see a point on us continuing with the sessions,’ I knew it was time.”
— atomic number 92 / CardNGold
2.“On our one-year wedding anniversary, I paid for a trip to visit the city we fell in love in. The night before we left, I was bit in the face by his uncle’s dog, leaving me with a swollen black eye and wound next to my eye. The doctor had told me to keep the area dry, so I didn’t wash my hair the morning of our anniversary. I did my best with a cute messy bun and outfit. When he woke up and looked at me, he got irritated and said, ‘Well I guess we aren’t going to a fancy brunch this morning; based on how you look, I guess we will go to McDonald’s.’ He then proceeded to get mad at me for feeling hurt by what he said, and told me I ruined the anniversary weekend.”
— unbrkblektp
3.“After 20 years I suddenly started having big health issues. I needed two back surgeries, and developed vertigo/dizziness. I also started getting really lightheaded. One night, I had dinner on the stove, and he was in the shower. I got up to check the food and promptly passed out, and smacked my head on the coffee table. He proceeded to yell at me for suggesting going to urgent care, and accused me of ‘getting off on the attention of doctors.’ I filed a few weeks later.”
— ecriswellec
4.“When I had driven an hour home from work, cooked dinner, and was washing the dishes. He told me to hurry up because he couldn’t hear the TV over my noise.”
— jadas4106ffcae
5.“Just before our fourth anniversary, I found out I was pregnant. We had both agreed that kids weren’t in our future, and I was on the pill, so this came completely out of left field. I was terrified on my drive home from the doctor and didn’t know how I would ever be able to tell him. I put it off for a week and a half, then had a miscarriage, and still, I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. I had the thought then, that if I was this scared, that this wasn’t the right relationship…but I pushed that aside and tried to go on as we always had. The week after I had the miscarriage, we were invited to a party at his aunt’s, and ended up staying for hours, which wasn’t the plan. When he asked how I was feeling, and I told him I was ready to head out whenever he was, he lost it.”
" He angrily go to say goodbye to people , fault me for us leaving . I told him on the car ride home I was n’t feeling well and why , and he said , ' Okay , and why is that my trouble ? ' It was over that same night . "
— crescentmoondance
6.“When I had traveled for work for a few weeks. I set up the house for success before I left. Arranged cleaners every week, made frozen meals, and left a fully stocked snack pantry. Even did all the laundry before I left and got my ex gift cards so he could order in when needed. When I got home, the house was a disaster. None of the frozen meals or snacks were eaten. He had taken our kid out to eat every night. His credit card was completely maxed out because of this. He only did laundry once, and it was his boxers. Two weeks later, when I was cleaning out the fridge, he’s full out screaming at me that I don’t know how stressed out he is, and I just knew. I had spent the two weeks at home cleaning everything and trying to pay off his credit card. I was done. It felt oddly like relief.”
" There were other mistakes in our marriage . He had chisel and made huge financial mistakes . But just that night of him thumb out on me finished it off . "
— u / Compulsive - Gremlin
7.“Mother’s Day four years ago. Worked a double shift because someone called out sick. When I got home at 7 in the evening, my ex immediately asked what I was going to cook for dinner. I said, ‘It’s Mother’s Day, and I just worked 14 hours, maybe you could cook dinner.’ He snarled, ‘You’re not my fucking mother.’ Things had been going downhill long before that, but that for me was the moment I knew I was done.”
— uracil / WakingOwl1
8.“I was at my job, and my friend/coworker who sat next to me was single and looking. One day, she was scrolling Tinder in her cubicle, and she suddenly shrieked. I rolled my chair over like WTF, and she had this deer-in-the-headlights face, and she was hiding her phone. As you might have guessed, she happened upon my husband’s profile — not an old profile, but a current one where he was just as ‘single’ as could be.”
" I packed my shit up that same twenty-four hour period and never looked back . Ended up meeting the absolute estimable mortal not too longer after , and we are happily married now . So , it was all for the best . "
— u / Ok_Ad8609
9.“‘I mean, I don’t love her. But I don’t want to be divorced. Why can’t she just feel lucky that I don’t want to leave her?’ —My ex-husband to our third marriage counselor."
— saros136
10.“It was kind of a piecemeal. A bunch of little things that you only really notice in hindsight. She cared more about being perceived of having a happy marriage than actually having a happy marriage. One fight, I was particularly peeved and remember telling her ‘I’m not a science project. Stop these weird tests and talk to me.’ Her face and reaction to that let me know that she hadn’t even fathomed that before. The nail in the coffin, though, was one night she was getting ready to go to a party. She casually says, ‘I could cheat on you, y’know.’ Brash enough, for sure, but I didn’t care. Not about the possibility, not about the statement, and not about her — by then — I suppose.”
— uranium / Send_Poems
11.“When I went out of state and was about to return home, I saw my ex (current husband at the time) sent a Facebook message to a friend about how he was about to lose his freedom.”
" That would ’ve been hurtful in worldwide , but if I seemed controlling , there was a reason . He stole my identity with info off our divvy up tax return to lease a railroad car we could n’t afford ( forge me as his cosigner without my consent — in fact , I specifically allege no ) , so we could n’t dine out or do fun thing to pay for that stupid fucking car . I had endeavor to wreak through it cuz I did n’t wanna be a statistic of a marriage that did n’t last a class , but that was the moment I realized I was a fool and want out . "
— simplysarahish
12.“I’d gotten a scholarship to attend a six-week program at Harvard University. Being away from him allowed me to recognize the emotional and psychological abuse I’d endured for 16 years. I had long walks to class each day, and I’d use the time to think about how to fix my marriage. One day, I heard a voice in my head that said, ‘This marriage is over.’ I stopped dead still. Absolutely stunned. I loved him so much that I’d have stepped in front of a bullet for him.”
— u / Wrong - Landscape4836
13.“She was a slob, and I was absolutely the opposite. A lot of lead up, but the moment I knew it was over, we had friends over one night, and she was sitting on our new rug with them drinking red juice or something with vodka. I politely reminded everyone it was a new rug and asked politely if they wouldn’t mind moving to the kitchen to have their discussion. She set her cup on the rug, looked at me dead in the eyes, and used a single finger to tip the cup over onto the rug. We stared each other down in unimaginable hateful silence, and that next morning, I left. I married her best friend that saw the change I saw in her. We have two beautiful children and a clean house. The ex still doesn’t have her shit together 15 years later, and they are predictably no longer besties.”
— u / Piss - Ant
14.“We went on a weekend trip, and he was just completely checked out emotionally. … I sat across from him at lunch and realized we had literally nothing to talk about. Then, I found out he was already having an online affair and had checked out months ago.”
— u / hungryginger1234
15.“We were at my brother’s house attending a birthday party, sitting on opposite sides of the room because we had just gotten into a fight in the car on the way over there. At one point, I looked over at her and thought ‘I would be so much more happy if I was just single again’ (this was after a couple of years of both of us being miserable). That was the moment I knew. Remarried now (17 years) and couldn’t be happier. Ending that marriage was one of the best decisions I ever made.”
— u / scotchybob
16.“When we clearly were no longer in love, I’d considered filing multiple times. Then [I] thought about the future — specifically her moving on. And I’d get so jealous of the thought of her being with someone else. Which, to me (divorce is hard) was always a justification to not file because I ‘clearly still had feelings for her.’ Then, one day I thought about her moving on and…I just no longer felt the jealousy. Just her and I being happy as individuals. It was still tough, but it was time.”
u/2020IsANightmare
17.“Her addiction spiraled out of control. Pills to Adderall to meth. I tried helping her, and I tried getting her in rehab multiple times. Just couldn’t watch her destroy herself anymore. Told her I was done, moved out the next day.”
— u / testies2345
18.“I had so much anxiety for a while I could barely drive. I couldn’t do anything for myself and was just a mess all the time. I had to get a job that took me away for a few weeks at a time. Within about two weeks of being away and being in different time zones and not talking as much because I was busy, I could drive again.”
— u / wannalife
— u / WhiteRabbitWithGlove
20.“Walked in on her and another dude. I knew then things weren’t great, but still…didn’t deserve that. Looking back on it later, I realized mistakes on both our parts. I think we both grew. I hated her for a while. We had a daughter together, and hate is exhausting. Hate turned to indifference. Time heals, and we have been friendly for years.”
" We did n’t fight over anything , and divorcement went smoothly , pass about 600 . There are pros and cons between rip the Band - attention and slowly uncase it off . Ripping it off was a spate of pain at one metre but shortened the misery . I think anyway . That was one of the sorry night of my living , though . Do n’t cheat on . Messes hoi polloi up . Took a while to heal . The strong of steel is forge in the dumpster fire . "
— uracil / nawmynameisclarence
21.“It was over long before I admitted it to myself. I hung on because we had two kids together, and my older daughter had lost her father, so the only dad she had was my ex-husband. One night I’m in the living room with our youngest daughter. She had a very high fever, and I was worried it would cause a seizure (she’s had them before). She has some lifelong health issues, and I was debating on riding it out at home or taking her to the ER. So, I’m walking back and forth holding our daughter. I think she was 2 1/2? And for some reason, I had made him angry. He’s just yelling at me, telling me I’m a piece of shit, I ruined his life, I’m worthless, etc. All things he had said to me before, but that night, I kept asking him to stop, and he wouldn’t. I said, ‘What would you do if your daughter came to you and told you her partner was speaking to her like this?’ And he shrugged his shoulders and said, “If she deserves it.'”
" I attend behind him and get word my girl sit at the top of the stairs observing the entire affair . That night , I know I was done .
So , I give myself a specific particular date that I was ended . I want to get through the holiday and the kids ' birthdays without him causing a setting . I was at the bar the night before the escort I had set in my head . It turn midnight , and I left . My friends asked what I was doing , and I said , ' move home to end my marriage ceremony . ' And I did . I never doubt myself or attend back . It ’s been over three age , and we ’ve all blossomed and grow so much . I have zero regrets on leaving . Just regretful I did n’t leave preferably and protect my kid more . "
— uracil / JustCallInSick
22.
23.“I realized I wasn’t myself anymore. I was angry and bitter all the time. Our marriage had basically turned into a roommate situation. No love, no sex, no intimacy of any kind. Barely speaking. I dreaded hearing his car pull up in the driveway at the end of the day.”
— u / FustyLuggz
24.“First, I started working late more and more. It finally got to a stage where I would get home and linger in the car working up the courage/will to get out. When I found myself crying in the garage because I couldn’t face another explosive tantrum, I knew we were done. I was terrified of calling the game, but an incident where he was shaking and screaming at our infant son was the final pebble that started the landslide.”
— u / purelypopularpanda
25.“Looking back, there were a series of moments over a period of two to three years, but there were two that finally sealed the deal. After years of marital counseling telling me I was the problem, and I started individual therapy, and my ex suddenly deciding that she was going to change careers, so I went from providing about 70% of the income and 60-70% of the housework/childcare to 80-90% of the income and 95% of the housework/childcare. After doing that for about six months, I essentially had a breakdown and was told by my employer to take some time off. Started having slight suicidal ideations, and told her (via text, one night when she announced she probably was going to come home late because she ‘needed a break’). Her response was ‘Jesus! You should talk to someone!’ (literally, over text).”
" After that , I introduce some intensive outpatient counseling , and a few calendar week into it , we had a house session . She started hollo about 30 second in and made the integral session about how I mistreated her and was n’t giving her enough support because my taking a break from oeuvre and talking about killing myself was stimulate her stress . … During the next individual counseling seance , my therapist clearly get going to expectant pain to not come up right on out and tell me the wedlock was over , but eventually say something like ' if you need this marriage to outlive , and it ’s your choice whether you do or not , you may have to get used to the fact that your wife can not be a source of emotional reinforcement for you . If you ’re hunky-dory with that , then sure , with a lot of work , you’re able to plausibly make this study … ' That was like a light bulb going off in my head , and I play up part about two weeks by and by . "
— uranium / Alternative_Cash6088
26.“It’s really hard to separate the PROCESS of divorce from the OUTCOME. Many people want the outcome, but are terrified of the process (and rightfully so, it can suck). If you could snap your fingers, and it would magically be a year from now, with the divorce over, would you do so? If yes, you’re ready, and the marriage is over.”
" Sometimes , it ’s guilt that keeps mass from making the last step , they do n’t desire to be the bad cat , do n’t want to pain someone that they used to ( or maybe still do ) love(d ) . So , I ask them — if your better half hail home today and said they were in love with someone else and wanted a divorce , what would you finger ? If you ’d be relieved that they were the ones who order it first , you ’re quick . I used to daydream about my married woman secernate me she ’d fall in sexual love with someone else , so we could bulge the appendage without me being the bad guy . It did n’t take place that way , but that ’s how I lie with I was quick . "
— DivorcingGuy1234
27.Finally, let’s end on a happier one: “We came to an understanding. We had a dead bedroom. We tried to fix it in many ways, but ultimately, it was never going to be solved. So, we fought and cried a little, but mostly, we ended up trying then talking. We realized nothing could fix it. SO, our decision was reached mutually. It was mature and respectful. We transitioned our marriage of 20 years into a different kind of platonic, life-long love that will continue to endure. When people asked what happened, the word we used was we ‘sunsetted’ the marriage. We helped each other find our new homes, she helped me bury my Mom a couple months after the divorce was final, and we cared for the kids as our highest priority. We eat as a family at least once a month. We still celebrate the holidays together, and our wedding anniversary is now ‘Family Day.’ And now, we wear our rings on the right hand, to signify family. Our marriage did not fail. It ran its course.”
— atomic number 92 / Gundark927
submission have been edited for length / clarity .
