" ' permit ’s gooooo ' is the manly combining weight of ' slay . ' "
It’s already April, and summer will be here before we know it! This year has flown by, and there have been SO many hilarious jokes from Twitter this year already. Here are some tweets that will have you laughing for the rest of the year:
And come after the accounts that made you laugh to make your Twitter give even better !
1.
My ( 27F ) boyfriend ( 28 M ) wo n’t discontinue say he ’s “ microdosing pants ” whenever he wears shorts
2.
at what point do we start blaming the homie and NOT the hop-picker ? 😕
3.
If you have no hate in your affectionateness … grow up . Look around you
4.
This guy at my gymnasium has the big pecs I ’ve ever seen , and today I overheard him need Siri what 4 fourth dimension 12 was . The perfect piece .
5.
this is hilarious they said just smile and werk boys
6.
One day , a guy go onto my IG and like ALL my photos . I then DMed him say “ alternatively of doing all that , why do n’t you just DM me and recount me you like me ? ” . He responded by state “ I do n’t care you , I just wish your content . ” And proceeded to block me .
7.
men do shrooms once and discover the same things 13 year old missy have discovered alone in their bedchamber
8.
Let ’s gooooo is the male equivalent of slay
9.
watched family guy last night and why did they make this one background character so cunty
10.
“ She ’s just a Quaker ” SHE FOLLOWS YOU ON SPOTIFY ? ?
11.
After 3 shots it ’s my birthday too tf
12.
she ’s doing stick and poke at my party on friday $ 5 each she takes venmo or cashapp
13.
i detest when people use military time like ok cadet kelly
14.
15.
Love how you all are missing your 23 year old selves . I was 23 last yr and I would dissipate her with a heavy weapon
16.
A yt man number up to me at the legal community and said “ the way you fucked them chicken fender up was crazy ”
17.
‘ Absolutely no worries if not ! ’ i have fucking tears in my center and i ’m ironic heaving
18.
If I call my apartment my " business firm " and you compensate me , you a hater fr 😭
19.
20.
i do n’t like when the weed smell too strong i m still a LADY
21.
How men look at you when you remind them they have a girlfriend .
22.
“ It ’s not that cryptic ” I ’ll kill you with my plain hands
23.
me high as nooky at the botanical garden
24.
seeing hoi polloi ’s 2022 letterboxd stats having over 600 films logged
25.
DONT BUY RENAISSANCE TICKETS ON SHEIN
26.
completely wasted another day of the little clip I have on earth
27.
she let me hit because in a past lifetime she also let me gain . we will always find each other , in any lifetime
28.
NO MY CRANBERRY SAUCE 😭 😭
29.
this is what it feels like to go to the center without stealing
30.
took an edible and did an entire ass burden of washables without detergent
31.
me realizing my clothes are still in the washing machine
32.
Y’all when you hit “ notify anyway ”
33.
hey ! those are actually banana . hope this assist ❤ ️ https://t.co/3qbPujJqHb
34.
“ my DL frat bro score me ” o.k. , first of all you ’re both wearing charli xcx t - shirts
35.
how do u as a gen z - er even start smoking cigarettes . the y2k artistic was never that serious
36.
i sometimes think ab this tiktok where the girl said „ if an influencer gatekeeps her dress i will comment ‚ it‘s shein ‘ under her post to force her to right me “ and it ’s still genius
37.
I am CRYING my roomie add over a discerning hookup and was like “ this is pack ” explicate something and the hombre is like what is camp and he says “ it ’s like when … . when you … dress as a ground beef … for example ” I ’m CRYING like pick up this convo is so funny .
38.
39.
starting a movie after 10 pm
40.
Wtf is a “ W2 “ I m literally a girl
41.
I have a earpiece interview today and someone evidence me to “ just be myself ” so I ’m not go to answer the call
42.
“ goat ” is straight man ’s manner of tell mother
43.
white ppl snapped when they order “ I do n’t give a rat ’s ass ”
44.
At lunch with my squad , we get our checks and togo boxes , one of my team member read to the waitress “ Thank you lady filthy the intellectual nourishment was delicious ” she looked at us and enounce “ It ’s LaDynasty ” I ’m in here crying . Why would he think her name was Lady Nasty ?
45.
Me in my own elbow room express joy at my own jokes cuz I ’m hilarious
46.
when my lima bean surgery is a sucesss
47.
hookup started give himself a hitch around my flat after we finished and asked how much my snag was … please get out my mansion 😭
48.
me to my mum when she strain to be my friend after she just did too much …
49.
Here ’s a knuckle joint sandwich https://t.co/OBs9VjsAI2
50.
when i was a kid i used to believe adults were being patronizing when they said shit like " you ’re mother so big ! " but now i ’m in my 30 and i have a lot more friends who have shaver and countenance me say you something those fuckers are gettin bigger than infernal region
51.
And then there were 4
52.
me staring at my observation in every mirror i come across
53.
When the piddle bottleful pops in the midsection of the night
54.
slut era ( i literally only need him ) but slut era
55.
56.
whoever say netflix that part 1 and 2 was a dependable idea for tv show should get fired
57.
Me trying to get 8 hrs of sleep in just 3 hrs
58.
59.
" summertime is better than winter "
The summer :
60.
World War II Home Front Museum , St. Simons , Georgia
61.
They just demand me to make an excel text file at oeuvre , omg they ’re onto me 😭
62.
i can not fuck it we ball for much longer
63.
64.
nothing worse than introducing someone to your favorite slice of mass medium only for them to end up liking it a bit too much . like back up a bit ..
65.
So I mounted the tv in my room by myself 3 day ago and today it fell off the wall🥹
66.
Are you bozo doing a bit or do you fr like diet coke that much
67.
if benadryl bad why pink
68.
teacher : “ your mammy is here you have a doctor appointment ”
middle schoolhouse me :
69.
Guy who retrieve bipoc stands for bisexual person of color
70.
rhinoplasty , rim filler , cheek implant , chin implant , jaw shaving , forehead bone reduction , buccal avoirdupois remotion , botox and oculus rise , hide bleaching
71.
they demand to show this clip in acting schooling
72.
I gasped like I was in a homo slasher motion-picture show .
73.
74.
i be lying to uber number one wood state “ in good order here is perfect ” sleep with damn well i ai n’t never been to this location nor do i bed where the hell i am at
75.
My phone
76.
me uneasy as fck walking past a group of adolescent boy https://t.co/XLRzb6cZys
77.
this take 15 seconds to load and was worth the wait
78.
79.
" Just one more episode "
80.
Early 2000s pic were like “ this is a high shoal soph ”
81.
“ Are you vers ? ”
Idk , sometimes .
82.
needed a pause from her
83.
i was only haunt w ppl i was dating when i was unemployed so my result for y’ all still checkin likes is to get a job
84.
everything palpate like over sharing these years . I could be writing something like “ I ’m athirst ” then delete cause nobody postulate to know that
85.
“ hung4hung ” you people are so selfish ..
86.
when u make an excuse not to go out & amp ; they descend up with a solution
87.
me : * tell what i think is a screaming account from my puerility *
friend : i ’m so meritless that materialise to you
88.
- there is gay porn in the lookup locomotive engine on the family calculator
13yr honest-to-goodness me :
89.
Has anybody else noticed appetizer and entrees are the same damn cost ? ? ?
