" I detest when adults say ' tummy . ' I ’m a develop up . It ’s my belly that hurts because I had too many sweets without mother ’s license " — @dietz_meredith
TheWriters Guild of Americastrike continues, but fear not! A new season ofI Think You Should Leaveis coming to Netflix soon to energize the striking masses. Pretty soon, the studios will look around as their profits continue to drop and announce “we’re all trying to find the guy who did this.”
WELL I WAS untimely . ITS 176 HOURS . SO . YOU HAVE A LITTLE TIME , STUDIOS . BUT YOU SHOULD STILL GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER .
In the meantime, make sure you follow all these hilarious ladies on Twitter!
1.
I recite my married man I ’m going to print off everything for my on-line class because I ’m have trouble celebrate it all unionize when it ’s just online , and he asked if I want a bowl of Werther ’s . 😩
2.
Idk what ’s wrong with our parent ’ generation and why they love go around tough news at the drop curtain of the dimeMy godmother called me at 10 premier and just discharge so much uncollectible news . I was like … .pic.twitter.com / Evf56jv16W
3.
the taylor swift matty healy thing is already mirthful bc you lie with when it ’s all over and we get the inevitable breakup song it ’s gon na be like london pelting , windowpane , i m insane …. you were say slurs in the cafe but i still get laid You
4.
You know that joke about bootleg mass always running whenever they see someone else running ? My mammy told me that she saw my true cat unravel like a bat out of inferno across the living room and was like “ I was about to get up and campaign too , damn . ” 😭 she do n’t know about zoomies .
5.
How many time is everyone go to the grocery storage per workweek ? Is it 26 ?
6.
needless to say they all shatter
7.
i ’ll see your " bouncy laughter love " sign of the zodiac and raise you an " ew , people"pic.twitter.com/1UvXKcnAqr
8.
love old American motion picture ’ visual terminology where it ’s trying to show ‘ this guy wire ’s lost it ! he ’s disturbed ! he ’s completely out of ascendance and might do anything ’ and it ’s a totally normal guy wearing a three piece causa except he has one lock chamber of whisker out of place and he ’s not get into a hat
9.
One matter they learn in breast feeding schooling is when your patient is being questioned by law , to mistreat in with “ that ’s enough for today , he needs to rest ” right on after he gives a fundamental bit of information , but one sentence unforesightful of him separate the whole story .
10.
My girlfriend is wearing snap pants to bed so I take on at 3 am “ y’ all ready for this ” is gon na blare through the sleeping room and she ’s gon na sprint out a burrow and hand a small ball to a shaver
11.
i hate when adults say “ tummy . ” i m a grown up . it ’s my tummy that ache because I had too many sweets without mothers permission
12.
i told the bus driver he was blistering when i got off the bus because living ’s short but now he ’s my driver on the fashion back too so turns out living is long
13.
[ at the mall]Me : gracious rackMy married man : keep your part downMe : * staring at the Adidas in Foot Locker * what ?
14.
miscommunication plots can be fun when it stem from the eccentric ' inbuilt differences instead of uhh sorry bro that passing flashy train of a sudden overhaul by when you were making that lifelong confession and i have a dental practitioner appointment rn so i gtg enjoin me about it later tho
15.
Bed Bath & Beyond ’s going out of business organisation sale is n’t desperate enough for me . TWENTY pct like them little coupons y’ all had ? Call me when y’ all obtain out what day they exclude off the internet and lights .
16.
telling a college friend about “ bean pop ” in 2021pic.twitter.com/uBh5a3c0bP
17.
consider about the guy who played BOB on " Twin Peaks " & how he was initially a placed vanity … guess showing up to employment , thread into a shot by chance event & the boss is like " you are so scary & disgusting that this tv show is about you now "
18.
My mom just sent someone on a side questHer kinfolk bury their earphone before decease on vacay . So she go to the train place , found a cleaning lady pop off to Copenhagen , and gave her the earpiece with the instruction:“When you get to CPH give this phone to a woman who look just like me "
19.
Pals commemorate the orphic compartment I found in my car ? Well I filled it up with little chocolate as an exciting treat and you ’re never going to guess what ’s happen now the temperature has rise
20.
repast prepping is crucial for having prompt and well-heeled access to something i would rather die than consume
21.
🔘 starts task ✨ disassociates ✨ ☑ ️ completes task
22.
If you tell me a cake soda water could look Kramer , I ’m not sure I would have bee - lieved you.pic.twitter.com/sNQnvEVngh
23.
My toxic trait is I will detect someone I think is funny or interesting on IG , follow them , and then immediately be annoyed by all their mental object .
24.
When hoi polloi tell me I ’ll regret not hold nipper , I ’m like it ’s okay I know a really right stead to cry . It ’s my holiday home .
25.
plow out Leaf Blower Guy , my neighbour of 10 years , knows my genuine name so I guess I ’m forget with no selection but to do the grownup thing here and find out his by steal his mail .
Don’t miss last week’s funniest tweets by women:
22 Absurdly Hysterical Viral Tweets That demonstrate No One On Earth Is suspicious Than A Woman
…or the funniest tweets by women in April!
You ’ll Positively Die Laughing At The 50 Funniest Tweets By Women Last Month
