" I was despondent , trapped in a dark camouflage — an empty , aimless shield . "
This post remark suicidal ideation .
Elliot Page’s memoirPageboyhas been released, and there are some pretty stunning revelations.
He revealed he had hooked up withcostars, been verballyaccostedby a famous “asshole” celeb, and more. Another revelation was the fact that Elliot actually turned down a period drama film.
This happened before Elliot came out as gay and subsequently transgender, and right after wrappingJuno —which earned the actor an Oscar nomination
“After awards season concluded, I was supposed to make a film in England. It was based on a famous book, and I was attached as the main character — a sought-after role,” he wrote. And although his team at the time was excited for this prestigious venture in film, Elliot said he was not comfortable taking on the role.
“I would imagine myself in a woman’s costume from the mid-nineteenth century,” Elliot wrote. “The dress, the shoes, the hair, flashed before my eyes. It was too much after having put on the mask for awards season.”
Elliot has been candid in his book, and toOprah, about how traumatic his gender dysphoria was, especially during theInceptionpress run. “There was so much press, so many premieres all around the world,” hesaid. “I was wearing dresses and heels to pretty much every single event.”
As for the period drama, Elliot said he couldn’t do it. “I understood that if I were to do it, I would want to kill myself.”
“It was too much to play a role on-screen when the role I played in my personal life was suffocating me already. I pushed myself to dispel the truth for fear of banishment, but I was despondent, trapped in a dismal disguise. An empty, aimless shell,” Elliot wrote. “I ended up backing out of the film.”
Good for you for protecting your peace and mental health, Elliot.
Elliot’sbookis now available everywhere .
TheNational Suicide Prevention Lifelineis 1-800-273-8255. Other international suicide helplines can be found atbefrienders.org.The Trevor Project,which provides help and suicide-prevention resources for LGBTQ youth, is 1-866-488-7386
Looking for more ways to get involved? Check out all of BuzzFeed’s posts celebratingPride 2023.
“I was despondent, trapped in a dismal disguise — an empty, aimless shell."
