Alright, y’all. It’s time for another rehashing of a truly shocking thread I came across on the"Am I The Asshole?“subreddit, also known as the land where people ask if they’re assholes for the way they handled various situations. Buckle in kids, cause this one gets messy.
Our story today comes fromu/AITAThrowaway012020, who has been married to her husband for 17 years with a couple of rough patches here and there, but nothing to write home about…until now.
u/AITAThrowaway012020set the scene with some facts: Her husband is the main provider, but despite earning less than him, she also has a “substantial trust fund” to keep them stable. Together, their household income exceeds $200K annually.
And the main point of contention is her wealthy husband’s frequent visits to food banks — not to donate, but to take for himself. She said, “Despite having more than enough food at home, he insists on going to food banks to save money. He intentionally looks disheveled and uses our beat-up car to blend in, even though he’s never experienced food scarcity.”
A recent incident became her breaking point, which led her to flee their house and stay with a family member. She said, “I discovered our fridge filled with fresh produce and meat that clearly didn’t come from our regular grocery store. When I confronted him, he admitted to going to a food bank after seeing a Facebook post about a donation of fresh food. People on social media were already asking if any was left, and there wasn’t.”
Now, her husband says she’s the asshole for fleeing. “My husband accuses me of overreacting, being vindictive, and threatens to go back to the food banks regardless of my feelings. His family is also messaging me, calling me an asshole, and urging me to stop interfering with his choices. I turned off my phone, but now they’re bombarding my brother with messages. Thankfully, he supports my decision and ignores them.”
The OP — original poster — is in a dilemma: “Yes, I could let this go and not scold him, but the food he takes could have gone to people who truly need it. I’m not leaving my husband, but I need a few days away to gain some clarity. Am I wrong for wanting this space?”
The majority of people in the thread feel strongly that OP is not the asshole. Let’s take a look at what they had to say:
" [ Not the asshole ] . This is entirely sick . A mankind crap $ 200 chiliad while married to a woman with a trust investment company going to a food bank is impossible . I could n’t live like that , and I also could n’t hold out with someone control how the money was spent . You are absolutely not incorrect to want space . I would desire permanent blank . "
— u / Few - School-3869
" [ Not the asshole ] X1000 . Your hubby is stealing from people that are less fortunate . I ’m frugal , too , and I like to lay aside money where I can . I use coupons , buy store brand vs name brand for some products , etc . But what your hubby is doing is n’t frugality , it ’s being a stinky somebody . "
— u / twelvedayslate
" [ Not the asshole ] , and please , oh my god , divorce him yesterday . "
— u / twentyminutestosleep
Others thought that maybe it’s possible OP’s husband had “food insecurity or trauma” growing up, which is why he still feels the need to hoard food, despite having the means to purchase it himself.
" I imagine there is some kind of food insecurity or trauma around solid food in the husband ’s past tense that makes him essentially steal food that he does n’t even need . I know it ’s not de jure stealing , but ethically it is . "
— u / Classroom_Visual
" I utterly agree he has a scarcity / poverty mind-set behind this larceny and could benefit greatly from therapy . "
But others were quick to point out that OP stated her husband has “never experienced food scarcity.” Some suspected he might have a “wealth-hoarding” mindset instead.
" She says her husband maturate up flush and never experienced food scarceness . I opine he ’s just greedy . "
— uracil / emilygoldfinch410
" Some rich citizenry would do this not out of a poverty or trauma mentality but out of a riches - hoarding mentality . They do n’t fee at eatery and they always want a bargain . They see their frugality as the virtue that bring them wealth and often comprehend poor masses as wasteful ( and therefore merit of their impoverishment ) … "
— u / grmplestiltskn
And some believe this is approaching a near-criminal level of theft.
" Most intellectual nourishment bank make you sign a paper state you make under a sealed amount to be eligible to apply the avail , indicating you are in need . If he is providing a false income statement to them to get intellectual nourishment , he is steal and could , rightly , be in legal trouble for it . If I was OP I would be thinking about calling in a tip to the nutrient bank . Hopefully , they will just not countenance him to get food in the time to come , but if they await to press charge , he has earn them . What an entitled jerked meat . "
— uranium / PerilousNebula
" I am incredibly in person offended your hubby think he has the right to any solid food savings bank services … This is theft honestly of the defective sort besides medical supplies and overall scams of the vulnerable . "
— u / Fresh_Beet
Others think that OP is the asshole as well for allowing the behavior to persist.
" [ You ’re the asshole ] for both of you , you because you ’re staying with someone who literally soak the poor and you have n’t done more to stop it . "
— u / DicedChance
" The fact that he ’s been doing it for years and she has n’t reported him yet means she ’s been full enabling his doings . She ’s as bad as him IMO . "
— u / FartMasterChamp
" [ You ’re the son of a bitch ] because you have made it clear you ’re uncoerced to stay with a con homo . That is so messed up , y' all are literally living on 4X the mediocre person ’s salary yet stealing food from food - insecure people in a time when food Price are astronomical . The BARE lower limit you should be doing is donating that food PLUS some when your husband decides to steal from the piteous . "
— u / the - b1tch
In replies in the thread, OP said she makes monthly cash donations to the two food banks she lives by, takes their extra canned and preserved goods back for donation, and refuses to eat the food from the banks. Still, others think there’s more OP can do:
" I ’d repack any box he brought home , take it back , show them his picture , and suggest they ban him until he can allow confirmable proof that he ’s in pauperization … OP ’s [ not the asshole ] , but there ’s a large problem here that needs dealt with ASAP even if it guide naming and pretend him to get him to stop . Therapy is also a just thought . divorcement is n’t off the mesa though since he does n’t read that what he ’s doing is wrong and insists that he should keep doing it . He ’s like a fictional villain stealing from the wretched to stay fertile . "
— uracil / DearOP _
