" He desire a magnanimous family . Like , six kids , all natural . Obviously , he would n’t be birthing them . This was very significant to him while I was pretty ambivalent about Kyd , and the further into my maturity I ’ve gotten , the more I ’ve realized I just do n’t desire to be significant … "
We’ve all been there — you find what you think is the possible love your life, but as time goes on, rather than being two peas in a pod, you’re actually like orange juice and toothpaste, and things just aren’t working anymore.
So, when redditoru/overIordedaskedther/AskRedditcommunity, “What went wrong with your last partner?” the responses were equal parts eye-opening and heartbreaking. From cheating, to clinginess, to simply just falling out of love, people shared the moment things headed south in their relationship and their once beloved partner became an ex.
To kick things off, just likeTaylor and Joe, sometimes you simply just grow apart from what you used to be…
1.“We just broke up last weekend after being together for 13 years. We fell out of love, and our personalities had grown apart. She was a hard person. Clinical and objective. I’m softer and more emotional. We also suffered from extremely bad communication, and on top of that, our sex life deteriorated over the years. We’re still young and deserve to be happy. Just not together, I guess.”
— uranium / Transvaal_Kampioen
2.“We had gotten together when we were 17. I ended it after 10 years together. For years, I thought I was the problem; he would constantly drag me down. He begged me to go to therapy and the psychiatrist to get my shit together, which I did. After a year of therapy, I finally realized that I wasn’t the problem; we just weren’t compatible anymore…”
" I keep bringing up issue to him , and he would tell me , ' That ’s not really a problem , just get over it . ' I know I have alter a lot over the years , and I remember telling him a while back how much happier I am with the mortal I am today . He react with , ' I do n’t care who you ’re turning into . I like you were the way you used to be , ' and honestly , that ’s probably when I should ’ve end it . give it maybe two more years after that , and eventually , I just could n’t take it anymore . "
— u / Rufflayer
Other times, your partner forms entirely new relationships and marriages. Maybe you even have kids, but they can’t stop thinking about their ex that got away…
3.“An ex of mine would tell me that I was everything she wanted in a partner. We got along with each other’s families, and our parents got along, too. Everything was great, and I thought I found the person that I was going to marry. But then, she told me she was still in love with her ex and proceeded to gaslight me by telling me every bit of good chemistry that we had was in my head to justify her shitty behavior.”
— u / Fiendish - DoctorWu
4.“He wasn’t over his ex. Still isn’t. No matter what we did together, how much time he spent glued to my hip, how many new restaurants and cities and countries we’ve been to…he would always find a way to link the experience back to her. After one and a half years together, we’re breaking up on Sunday; he just doesn’t know it yet. Wish me luck.”
— u / my - aura - is - pinkish
And sometimes, distance truly doesnotmake the heart grow fonder:
5.“She lived 1,800 miles away. When we first got together, she mentioned moving back to my city ‘in a few months.’ I thought that meant, like, six. She thought it meant 27. Once the timeline disparity became clear, I told her I wasn’t sure it was gonna work, since I need a partner I get to see in person more than once or twice a year…”
" … she said she ’d be ok with it if I went out and’got my pauperization met’as long as she did n’t have to hear about it . But I declined . I did n’t need that kind of kinship . The good news is , the very next person I date became my wife . "
— atomic number 92 / uswforever
6.“My last boyfriend dumped me because I got mad that he was coming to Dallas after I hadn’t seen him for two months, but didn’t want to see me. He was going to meet up with some friends of his he hadn’t seen in a few months. I told him that was fine with me, but I felt he should make time to see me, too, since we hadn’t seen each other and we were supposed to be a couple. He responded to my anger by ghosting me. That was two years ago.”
— u / dallasmysterylover
Other times, you actually realize you have nothing aligned at all.
7.“We disagreed on how many women he was allowed to date. I’m very strong on monogamy and have no interest in someone (in a supposedly committed relationship) that isn’t.”
— u / Altrano
8.“He wanted a big family, like, six kids, all natural. Obviously, he wouldn’t be birthing them. This was very important to him while I was pretty ambivalent about kids, and the further into my adulthood I’ve gotten, the more I’ve realized I just don’t want to be pregnant. I broke it off so we could both get the lives we wanted. It hurt, but it was amicable. Now, he has a wife and kids like he wanted, and I am happily partnered and childfree. It worked out for the best.”
— u / Free - Government5162
9.“I communicated how I felt about many things in the relationship. He never communicated about anything.”
— u / aj_oof0323
10.“We got to a point where we either had to get more serious or had to end, and he wasn’t ready to get more serious. … We didn’t get to the phase of really integrating each other into our existing lives — it was like our relationship lived in its own little bubble. He is also super focused on work right now, and I don’t think he’s in the place to give anything outside of work his full attention…”
" It was ruffianly because I get it on we had a great connection but just could n’t get there at the time . I related it to buying a house . I observe a house in my region that I loved ( him , in this typeface ) , but it was n’t for sales event . peradventure someday it ’ll be for sale and I ’ll still be looking for a house , and that planetary house will still have what I desire . But if it never go for sales event , I ca n’t just hold back around . "
— atomic number 92 / Total_Profession3125
And of course, cheating is a pretty surefire way to turn any relationship sour, but here are a few of the most painful experiences shared:
11.“He cheated on me for all six years we were together, then accused me of cheating on him even though I wasn’t allowed to leave the house. I’m also pretty sure he slept with my sister-in-law when my brother and I went to pick up dinner.”
" … I ’m doing better , happily remarry . Have n’t verbalize to him since we signed the divorcement document six year ago when I tell him ' F you for trying to break me . ' "
— u / Affectionate_Egg1252
12.“She cheated on me after five years total, the last one of which we were engaged, all while I’m planning the wedding, working part-time, and going to graduate school so I can support us comfortably in the future. I planned on giving her everything I could and sharing the rest of my life with her, and apparently, she didn’t care.”
— u / Mountaingoat1001
13.“Seven years of putting me down, telling me I should be glad he deals with me because I’m useless and nobody wants me. And I believed him. Then, he cheated on me. And I wasgladbecause that was finally reason enough to allow myself to leave.”
— u / NmlsFool
And between clinginess, controlling behaviors, and sabotage, sometimes there are just too many red flags to continue on.
14.“She was obsessive and incredibly clingy, but that wasn’t ultimately the problem. It just exacerbated it. At the heart of it, she treated me like an accessory. Someone who could take her places and do things with or for her, someone she could show off to friends and family, someone to ‘do relationship things with.’ She wanted me around because having a boyfriend validated her. It just didn’t matter that it was me, she just needed someone who put up with her…”
" … Anyway , when I broke up with her , she kind of lose her shit . I ended up turn out all striking , but of all thing , her MOTHERfound me on social media and kept trying to amount up with fresh ways to contact me to need me to give her daughter another luck , which isALL KINDS OF WEIRD . This went on forYEARS . Fortunately , I ’ve been in a much healthier and happy kinship with a marvellous girl for about three class now . We ’re actuate in together in a month , and we could n’t be well-chosen ! "
— u / mettrolsghost
15.“She hated that I had a healthy relationship with my family. And was trying to find ways to sabotage it.”
— u / Cobra - Serpentress
16.“She was mentally, verbally, and emotionally abusive. Narcissistic, manipulative. We were married for 13 years. We got kicked out of our apartment, and she moved 1,200 miles away to stay with her parents while I was homeless. We agreed to see other people (her idea), and the first guy she dated got her hooked on meth. She stole from her parents and extorted me for money in order to fuel her habit. I got a restraining order and eventually a divorce.”
" … When I went to the hearing for the first restraining order , I take 20 + pages of printed schoolbook conversations I ’d had with her . The judge skimmed through it and said,‘This is abuse . ‘Hearing those words , from a adult female and a person in a position of business leader , really hit home with me . I ’d accepted my estranged wife ’s behavior as normal , at least for her , and take over that was just how life would be . "
— uranium / Wild_Alaskan
And sometimes, despite all the confusing “it’s me, not you” conversations, we actually ARE the problem:
17.“I started drinking again and became a miserable asshole due to my own depression and my shitty job. She didn’t get the attention she deserved, and had to put up with my bad mood all the time…so she left. I don’t blame her. So, it was me…”
" … I do n’t know if I entrust myself with a human relationship again , but aside from the shame of eff I spite someone who I loved , and loved me back . But I was too self - absorbed and selfish . I am trying to be a good human to everyone . And to my ex : You ’ll incur someone again … someone well . "
— uranium / cracksintheegg
18.“My attachment triggers were too much for her. She never told me I was hurting her feelings, thinking that I should know. I didn’t know. Our last conversation was very insightful, and I became aware of my toxic behavior. We talked about what we did right, and what we did wrong. I am deeply hurt losing her, but maybe this is what I needed in order to finally seek help. I’m starting therapy in two weeks for the very first time, with the goal of fixing my disorganized attachment.”
— u / kittenklyn
Props to these guys for recognizing their problems and working through them!
notice : Some responses have been edited for distance and/or clearness .
