" I am a parent of a toddler , and if we ’re out at a restaurant and they start to have a meltdown , we pay the note and leave . It does n’t matter if we ’ve just sat down or are in the middle of eating . It is so disrespectful and selfish to submit the total eatery to your small fry ’s outbursts just because you require to finish your food . "
In the past three years, American dining has evolved in ways that are pretty unbelievable. Many restaurants are still struggling to stay afloat in a pandemic-influenced world; 11% of restaurants in the United States haveclosed since 2019, and even the lucky ones with their doors still open are contending with sky-high food and equipment costs, staffing shortages, and rising rents. But the most insidious challenges for restaurants and the people who work in them? The customers — and they’ve gotten worse than ever.
It’s hard to pinpoint exactly why restaurant etiquette has become so abysmal in recent years. Maybe it’s dwindling patience in general, or just increased self-importance in a world that’s all about convenience. Or, perhaps people still need a crash course on human interaction after three years of less of it. Either way, the “why” is less important than the results of this shift in behavior. The way you act while dining out doesn’t only affect your server’s mood; it can color the experiences of everyone around you, and ultimately harm restaurants in ways much deeper than a mere dining faux pas.
To help combat the ever-growing trend of chaotic customer behavior as of late, I asked BuzzFeed staffers of different ages, home bases, and familial situations to share their most passionate dos and don’ts when it comes to dining out. Many are modern takes on the experience of eating at a restaurant, and several are tried-and-true rules that bear repeating, butallof them are important guidelines for being a decent customer in this day and age. From making that initial reservation to sharing your experience on social media (and even ordering the “right” way), these are the rules you’ll need to follow to be a kind and respectful patron and dinner companion in 2023.
1.“If you book a reservation through an app — or through any method that isn’t the restaurant’s own website or phone number, really — call the restaurant ahead of time to ensure that the booking went through.”
" Reservation apps might be hella convenient , but they do n’t always work with 100 % truth . It ’s best to call ahead of fourth dimension to double - check that your table has been reserved . It ’ll preserve a major likely headache for both youandthe eating house ’s staff . "
2.“A party of eight or more should never expect to be seated promptly at a restaurant without calling ahead first.”
" I ’m not even read that youhaveto make a qualification , but even calling 30 minutes before you arrive with your massive mathematical group will make a worldly concern of divergence in actually being able-bodied to dine out with a group that expectant . "
3.“Whoever picks the restaurant should make sure other folks in the party know how expensive the food will be.”
" It ’s 2023 , and everything is expensive . People should have the opportunity to disallow high-priced pip before they ’re stuck splitting a $ 75 / somebody bill , and if theydoadmit that it ’s just not in their budget at the moment , they should be met with esteem . "
4.“For reservations that charge a fee for no-shows: The only circumstance in which it’s appropriate to call a restaurant to ask for your deposit back is a literal family emergency, serious illness, or death.”
" take a appointment or friend bond on you , or only changing your plan , doesnotcount . Any restaurant that hold your citation bill in the event of a no - show is likely charging some pretty serious money to begin with — unless something truly frightful came up , you really should n’t dispute a no - show cathexis . "
5.“Don’t ask to be seated at a restaurant that’s closing in the next 30 minutes…but if for some wild reason you absolutely must, order and eat as quickly as possible.”
" Realistically , you should just get another restaurant that close down later … but if you may be in and out — in other word of honor , do n’t be the last multitude in the restaurant — you ’re belike OK . "
6.“If you have a group reservation for 7:30 p.m., that means EVERYBODY IN THE GROUP needs to be there by 7:30 p.m. Not ‘some of us will get there and hold the table and y’all can come after.'”
" I hate grouping birthday when everyone does n’t show up on metre . Like , most restaurants these days will only give you the tabular array if everyone is present . SO , LIKE , EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE PRESENT . "
7.“If you’re meeting a date and you’re running behind, you have a five-minute grace period. For friends, 10 minutes. (And don’t lie about getting stuck in traffic.)”
" There ’s nothing more uncomfortable than model alone at a eating house table waiting for your absent particular date , meaning other , or friend … even bad is awkwardly hovering by the entrance when you ca n’t be seat as an ' uncomplete party . ' It ’s 2023 , and your smartphone can expertly detect dealings or travel interruptions — make be after forward the norm . "
8.“Whether you’re running five minutes late or 45 minutes, call the restaurant to let them know.”
" It ’s so much better than just letting the eating place sham you ’re a no - show , and honestly , sometimes hosts can work out miracle and still determine a way to get you induct with in advance placard . "
9.“Even if a reservation you booked won’t charge you in the event of a no-show, calling to let them know you can no longer make it is always the right thing to do.”
" You should call as shortly as you know you ’re not gon na make it , but even call them up until five minutesafteryour arriere pensee is helpful . It mean the restaurant will get more top in , which can make a vast dispute in the tenacious run . "
10.“When eating at a place where you seat yourself, choose the smallest available table for your party size.”
" For example , let ’s say you ’re a party of two , and two board are available ; one for two the great unwashed and another for four . Choose the table for two . I ’ve been to so many places where someone takes a larger table for no reason , leave another political party have it away out of a board . If there are no other tables , itisacceptable to take a board larger than needed … however , if a smaller table opens up nearby before have your food for thought , you should move . And if the pip is meddling and it ’s appropriate , tender to share larger tabular array with another company . "
11.“If you’re seated at a two-top with a chair on one side and a long, communal bench on the other, do not sit side-by-side with your companion.”
" It encroaches on the space of the other diner sitting on the judiciary and wee it unbelievably unmanageable for other diner to get up . I ’m firmly against couples sitting on the same side of the mesa while din out in the first position , but this in peculiar is just rude to others . "
12.“As a paying customer, you definitely have the authority to ask for a different table, but if the request can’t be accommodated, youdon’thave the right to be an asshole about it.”
" And think back : Not every open mesa you see is in reality open . Restaurants are basically a complicated puzzle of incoming and outgoing guests , so tables that look open almost always are n’t . "
13.“If you’re eating at the bar, which I highly recommend, choose the seat(s) that’ll leave pairs open next to you, even if it means you’re sitting pretty close to a total stranger on one side.”
" There ’s nothing spoilt than squeeze a yoke to ask people to move over just so they can sit together , as a result of people wanting empty can around them . "
14.“If you grab drinks at the bar while waiting for a table, close out that tabfirstbefore you’re seated, even if the restaurant says you can just carry it over to your table.”
" Many people will expend 20 - 30 minute tope at the streak and even ordering an starter if there ’s a long wait , and that ’s o.k. ! But it ’s good etiquette to close out before head over to your mesa . The barman who made your drunkenness while you were waiting deserves that crown ; you may start a fresh visor with your waiter . "
15.“It’s never, ever OK to go up to the bar and help yourself to the bartender’s fruit tray with lemons, limes, and other garnishes. Just ask for what you need, even if it means you’ll have to wait a minute.”
" Your barkeep will be well-chosen to serve you . But do n’t snaffle the fruit yourself — suppose if every customer stuck their sordid manus in there ? ! Gross ! "
16.“If you have food allergies, and especially if you have multiple, make it easy on the kitchen (and safer for yourself) by giving your server a copy of them.”
" My mother - in - law , who has several serious allergies , lead off every repast out by hand the server a business organization card - sized list of her allergic reaction , which she typed up and print out copies of from clip to time . When traveling , she hold translated copies , too . Her server are always so thankful because they can use the list to advise her about what to set up and then give the tilt to the kitchen , just to be safe . "
17.“If you’re on a special diet or have any dietary restrictions, pick a restaurant that will be able to accommodate your requests easily, or with as few special requests as possible.”
" There are apps and websites to find gluten - free - friendly eating house just about everywhere , and at the end of the day , you could face at essentially every single restaurant menu online ahead of metre . Putting in the supernumerary drive to find a fleck where you’re able to easily ordain is much easy than demand your server to create a near - custom dish . "
18.“Youcouldask the waiter to reveal their ‘favorite thing on the menu,’ but unless they’re asking you whatyounormally like to eat and customizing their pick to your tastes, I can assure you’re they’re reciting the same spiel they tell everyone…and it’s a more common question than you’d think.”
" Instead , do your inquiry forward of time if you really require to image out The Order ; the restaurant ’s Instagram is a great billet to start , as are the exposure in Google reviews , which tend to be more helpful and down - to - world than many other on-line review collector . "
19.“At a ‘small plates’ spot, or anywhere where you’ll share items with others as your mains, listen to your waiter if they tell you you’re not ordering enough.”
" Contrary to pop opinion , they ’re not assay to get you to spend extra money . They know the exact amount of food you ’re about to get , so they ’re just hear to avoid a reality in which you do n’t get enough food for the table . "
20.“If something on the plate of a guest near you looks absolutely incredible and you can’t figure out what the heck it is by looking at the menu, ask them!”
" Chances are they ’ll be well-chosen to tell you ( and majestic of their impeccable taste perception ) , and it ’s right smart less uncanny than enquire your waiter to estimate it out on the sneak . Seriously , who has ever been annoyed at someone for arrive permission to tout about their above - average ordination skills ? "
21.“If you intend to ask for separate checks, tell your waiterbeforeyou order.”
" And if the restaurant wo n’t accommodate separate checks , it ’s not your server ’s faulting . entrust it be , and when it ’s fourth dimension to pay , appoint someone to front the bill and use Venmo to envision out the relaxation . "
22.“If your server brings you an incorrect item by accident, taking a sip or bite means that you’re paying for it. Polishing off a drink or app that you didn’t order while you ‘wait for the correct one’ is a huge no-no, in my book.”
" You ’re not entitle to innocent stuff just because of an honest mistake on their end . If you do n’t want to eat it , let your waiter bang there was a mistake , and they ’ll take care of it . Hell , they might even declare oneself it loose of heraldic bearing in exchange for your satinpod , but you should never assume . "
23.“Flagging down other servers that aren’t your own should only be done if your server is completely MIA.”
" I all get it if your waiter has been gone for a while , but bid over other servers by nonremittal when you ca n’t see your own makes their Book of Job even intemperately . "
24.“When you’re in a rush — either because the wait to be seated was longer than anticipated, or you’re simply crunched for time — let your waiter know ASAP, and don’t be afraid to ask for the bill when you order (or when they ask ‘how’s everything tasting so far?').”
" If anything , it ’ll streamline their process and permit them to getmorecustomers in , so they ’ll 100 % appreciate you for being genuine with them . "
25.“The most respectful way to get your server’s attention is by making eye contact with them. They’ll know what’s up.”
" 2d best method is to verbally engage with them if they ’re walking near you . If that ’s challenging , a subtle and civil hand motion , while you make eye contact with them , is satisfactory . But it ’s never ( I replicate , NEVER ) OK to beckon someone toward you or , god forbid , snap your finger . "
26.“Do your best not to send your server on multiple trips to get the things you need to enjoy your meal, like sides of sauces, special utensils, or seasonings.”
" Be mentally present when your food is brought out and take stock of the extra things you might need ( or what might be miss ) then and there . That manner , if there are multiple detail you ’ll need , you could inquire for them simultaneously instead of sending your server back and forth a zillion times . "
27.“You have every right to send your food back if it’s not cooked to your desired level of doneness, doesn’t include special requests that you asked for, or if it’s not hot…but ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ must be included in your request.”
" Better than just ' please ' and ' give thanks you , ' do this with as much empathy as you could maybe muster . It ’s embarrassing for servers to parcel out with , and nine time out of 10 , it ’s not their fault anyway . Be genial . And if you send food for thought back just because you do n’t care it , that ’s infantile . "
28.“In a post-pandemic world, you’re going to have to wait longer for your food. That’s just a fact.”
" There ’s a correct and wrong way to check in on the status of your repast if thing seem to be running behind . The correct mode starts with ' I just wanted to insure in , ' and the wrong way is any interaction with even the slightest intimation of an posture . "
29.“Louisiana hot sauce is the only appropriate condiment you can bring into a restaurant.”
30.“Unless you want to embarrass your dinner companions and everyone sitting around you, donotfight over who is paying the bill. It’s deeply uncomfortable to witness a Bill Fight, whether you’re at the table or just seated nearby.”
" If you ’re not ripping , the first mortal to catch the bill pay . you may always duke it out later via textbook , or send peaceful - belligerent Venmos , but do n’t have that engagement at the dinner party table . It ’s the definition of cringe . "
31.“While you’re at a restaurant, it’s never OK to take calls or have your phone on speaker! It’s so rude and just unaware.”
" The numeral of meter I ’ve been out to dinner party recently and have heard citizenry just talk on speaker speech sound a few tables over ? ! Like , why ? ! "
32.“I am a parent of a toddler, and if we’re out at a restaurant — any restaurant — and they start to have a meltdown, we pay the bill and leave. It doesn’t matter if we’ve just sat down or are in the middle of eating.”
" It ’s so aweless and selfish to subject the entire restaurant to your shaver ’s outbursts just because you want to finish up your food . I made a conclusion to become a parent , and that means it ’s my province to manage with the situation when my child is misbehaving . If you ’re dining with another adult , take your kid outside as quickly as potential and await . The other adult can pay the bill and get the nutrient to go . Just get out of the eating house . You owe it to the other patrons . "
33.“If you need to take your kid out to eat with you and they a) don’t have a kids’ menu and b) your child won’t eat anything off the actual menu, ask your server for the easiest off-menu items the kitchen could whip up for them before you start requesting chicken tenders or mac ‘n’ cheese.”
" upright yet : Do your inquiry ahead of time and check that you ’re choosing a restaurant with option your kid will enjoy . "
34.“Don’t fight your server on additional charges to your bill, like kitchen appreciation fees or added gratuity for large parties.”
" Just do n’t be that person . "
35.“If you’re out with friends, the bill should be split evenly if the difference between everyone’s meals is within a few dollars. Otherwise, everyone should just pay for what they ordered. Either way, discuss it ahead of time to make sure everyone’s comfortable with whatever route you take.”
" I ’m a sober vegetarian ( i.e. a hoot ) , and I can not order you how awkward it was literally this weekend when someone asked to split the check equally . One guy had lobster and two Aperol spritz , and I had Elmer Leopold Rice with vegetables and water ! I ’m not paying $ 75 for that ! "
36.“If you’re splitting the bill but one person is fronting the total, you are to send them your portion of the total as soon as humanly possible…ideally while you’re still at the restaurant, but it absolutely has to be that same day.”
" Do n’t bequeath it to the person take hold of the government note to have to get off you various reminders to make up your fair share . They ’ll sense eldritch about it , you ’ll feel guilty , and it ’s ultimately a fall behind - lose spot . Just pay up while it ’s fresh on your mind . "
37.“If you’re gonna hang out after your meal is finished, be sure to sign the bill and give it to the server first.”
" Many server ca n’t finish their checkout and leave until they have all their receipts , so they can enter their tips . That often have in mind that they ’ve finish with their other tables , finished with all their side work and cleanup , and they ’re just sitting in the back waiting for you to signal the bill so they can get home after a long sidereal day . Just sign it — you may still last out there ! "
38.“Please, please, please tip a minimum of 20% to your servers in America — post-tax.”
" That goes for iPad tipping and establishment where you ’ll cull up your food and seat yourself , too . Just because you do n’t have one consecrate server does n’t intend that the staff is magically receiving a living wage . Tipping is required anytime you ’re not prepare food for yourself . If you do n’t want to peak , do n’t dine out . "
39.“In 2023, the best kind of review you can leave a restaurant that really impressed you is sharing your experience on social media — ideally your Instagram stories, and ideallynotusing the geotag feature.”
" Resist the urge to tag the restaurant as your ' emplacement , ' which does very small for the line of work regarding exposure , and add their direct handle as text instead . It let your followers and friends to quickly find their page , follow them , and even plan their succeeding sojourn . fillip : The restaurant could ( and likely will ) share your story with its own follower . It ’s always fun to experience like an influencer . "
40.“If your meal is subpar for any reason, whether it’s the service, the food itself, or any other issue under the sun, tell your server or a manager about your experience instead of voicing all of your qualms, petty or deserved, in an online review.”
" sorry reappraisal from customer , even the customers that pretend everything was OK in - individual just to go ballistic online , can kill a restaurant . When you voice your concerns to a staff penis while you ’re there , there ’s a 99 % fortune they can make things right , and it ’ll help oneself them improve their business in the farsighted running play , too . "
extra contributions : Jessica Bui , Sally Elshorafa , Mia Hermsen , Raven Ishak , Natasha Jokic , Alexa Lisitza , Ryan Loya , Morgan Playle , Jon - Michael Poff , Amatullah Shaw , Morgan Sloss , Delaney Strunk , Lauren Woelfel
