" novels are so keen . novel are like ' i made up a little loony . oh no , now he ’s in trouble ! ' " — @Gaby_Moss
Make sure you follow all these hilarious ladies on Twitter!
1.
12yo : I ’ve been thinking about something . So , Wario and Waluigi are the opposite of Mario and Luigi in every manner . Therefore since Mario and Luigi ’s job are to unclog lavatory , Wario and Waluigi ’s jobs must be to clot toilets
2.
imagine being glen powell ’s gf and seeing that he cheated on you w sydney sweeney and everyone ’s reaction is “ real hollywood is back ! that ’s showbiz baby ! ”
3.
On the first day of jury duty selection and precisely one person knows who I am which I believe makes me James Marsden
4.
getting cozy in bed then realizing you have to peepic.twitter.com/ud4wRJpIyn
5.
i was telling my mom how dating is hard because i ’m out meeting plenty of people but it seems like everyone my geezerhood is already match off and she goes “ peradventure you’re able to find a man who ’s just woken up from a coma ”
6.
I heard a unknown phone on the baby monitor lizard so I went to check
the dog-iron is on the chair look guilty and the baby has hot dog hair in his rima oris
7.
When a situation like the Tucker Carlson firing happens , rather than react with glee , I seek to take a heartbeat to think through who might be most affected by the fallout . I ’ve done that & amp ; now I want to say , I finger really forged for alcohol .
8.
the snapchat AI gaslit me last nighttime .
My AI : " I ’m sorry , but I do n’t think ' Midnight Rain ' is a Taylor Swift Song dynasty . Maybe it ’s by another creative person ? "
Me : " No it ’s a taylor swift song from her record album Midnights "
My AI : " I ’m no-account , But Taylor Swift has never turn an album call ' Midnights . ' She has released album call ' Fearless , ' ' talk Now , ' ' Red , ' ' 1989 , ' ' reputation , ' ' Lover , ' and ' Folklore . ' "
9.
I read ONE bite of a hot chocolate croissant my boy was spare for subsequently and now as far as the kids are implicated that is my most defining characteristic .
10.
Staying with my MIL . She ’s trained crows to ring a bell in the sunup when they ’re quick for their tiny earthnut butter sandwiches she have them . I ’m not indisputable there ’s anything else to say .
11.
It ’s brutal being a mirthful person on a dating app . I said an unusual skill of mine is that I can marry a cherry stem into a knot using just my hands and someone asked “ but can you tie it with your glossa ? ”
12.
I fucking detest how long it took me to realise that that is n’t a crazy eldritch Grinch mountain in Starry Night but a cypress tree in the foreground
13.
Every viral tweet now has like 9 reexamination from the author like :
My husband fix me blossom !
I need to elucidate my hubby and I do adequate housekeeping
I did not know tulip farms were so bad for the environment , dismal
I apologize that this was insensitive to hoi polloi with allergy
14.
the worst high i had was when i carry some delta 8 gummies someone from tiktok give me .. i ate the whole plurality cause i did n’t feel high-pitched … 1 hour later i woke up 2 days by and by
15.
i had to transcribe prison phone calls in college & amp ; the no.1 thing I learn was that if you ’re in a gang you do NOT get severance if you go to prison . you are ON those earphone ! you are work remote ! 10 to 15 at a desk job baby ! logistics ! gang HR ! and tbh it melt pretty fluent
16.
This $ 725 mil facebook settlement is hilarious when carve up between the 3 billion users . Quick ! go claim your 35 cent ! !
17.
You just ca n’t expect me to hit play on a show or flick with this color scheme . It ’s not for me . I respect it but I ’m not behind it
18.
one time we were determine wrestling and a hombre took out a Brobdingnagian barrel of thumbtacks and poured it all over another bozo and the ring , and i pant and then last " oh . aww " . and my husband front at me as if he was seeing me for the first time and said " you thought that was glitter . "
19.
novels are so great . novel are like " i made up a piddling weirdo . oh no , now he ’s in trouble ! "
20.
IT HAPPENED TO ME : I lastly met someone who actually says the intelligence “ achoo ” when she sneeze
21.
I think my therapist just fire me because she “ does n’t understand all this online stuff ” . She asked me if I want to talk to someone my own age 😭
22.
strain to service me a salad like this and see what happenspic.twitter.com/85C9k6oxx0
23.
a yr into our relationship we were staying at his mum ’s place and I started ca-ca the bed one morning and he said “ babe stop ! my mammy will do that , she LOVES making the bottom for me ” https://t.co/wlRP29dCLu
24.
An IT guy is remotely control my work calculator and the last thing I searched was Taylor Swift height and then because it gave me the resolution in meters , I searched Taylor swift height in animal foot ! ! ! This is HUMILIATING 😭 😭 😭
25.
in the original Little Mermaid , Flounder was meatier . if you watch him on someone ’s plate on a eating place you ’d go “ i ’ll have THAT . ” This Modern one does not look appetising and could not satisfy me .
Don’t miss last week’s funniest tweets by women:
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…or the funniest tweets by women of 2023 (so far)!
QUICK ! Come Laugh At The 50 Most Hilarious Tweets By Women So Far In 2023 Before Twitter Becomes A Barren Wasteland
