" Do you believe pets have the concept of touch ? Like do they walk around going ' this house has an minatory presence , it ’s probably the spirit of the honest-to-god dog who populate here ' " — @hansmollman
Has anyone else been watching that new showJury Dutyon Amazon Freevee? I’m not exaggerating when I say it’s one of the funniest things I’ve seen recently…second only to this week’s funniest tweets by women.
Make sure you follow all these hilarious ladies on Twitter!
1.
Parenting is ok except for every once in a while when my 3 - class - honest-to-god request “ Ham Hands ” for tiffin , which is when she takes two handfuls of ham and eats it in the living elbow room while she watches tv .
2.
when I tell you I suck at goodbyes , what I intend is the second I complete an episode of television I IMMEDIATELY read 5 recaps so I can receive it a little bit longer
3.
I was taking my Valium before my flight of steps and the Swiss guy wire in the seat next to me saw and gauge I was neural , so he asked me if I liked quat and then show me a pic of a cat dressed as a pilot and tell “ I hear he ’s fly our plane , I think we can entrust him ” 😭
4.
enough
Person 1 : " Girl i ’m in need for the best , juciest tits in the earth 😍 Is there a chance you know where i can receive them 😉 "
Person 2 : " my tits are small and i ’m crazy . leave me alone "
Twitter: @missmulrooney
5.
My boyfriend ’s such a good feminist . He ’s always like “ I ’ll fucking kill any guy who blab to you , ” because he gets that men are bad
6.
“ Your screen time was down 1 % last week ” ok go off ego - care pansy
7.
Me view my shaver gambling make-believe with his miniature : Amazing , the most beautiful affair I ’ve ever seen , he ’s a genius .
Me being force to play the same biz with the same toys with him : This is so boring , I will go here .
8.
really how do Aldi not get sued every exclusive day
9.
People on Twitter are legit arguing that Anne Frank talking about her sexuality was n’t apposite to the report she was telling IN HER LITERAL journal and I pitch I JUST CANT , SOME OF YOU ARE TOO STUPID TO BE trust WITH THE import OF A SWISS CHEESE SANDWICH
10.
finding out bon jovi is really " bongiovi " has really unglued me . who else is lie to me
11.
I ( 16 m ) brought my sister ( 9f ) to a company where she had an hypersensitized response to walnuts and on our way to the infirmary she stuck her head out the window and was decapitated because I swerve near a telephone pole and now my momma is screaming in my facial expression about it at dinner . AITA
12.
He is risen .
13.
one pridefulness i got into an uber wearing a pride flag as a attire & amp ; the gadget driver straight off put on christian receiving set . i started singing along bc i knew the Sung from childhood & amp ; i ve never see a more mixed-up man in my life
14.
I was chastising my girl for not practicing piano and I said “ to be good you have to apply every day ” and she tell “ you do n’t write every solar day ” and never have I been so in effect hoisted on my own petard
15.
ball club are n’t that fun and I need you guys to be more honest about that .
16.
Some guy try a love story cozenage on me and I went along to riposte scam him . He finally asks for money , so I say " all my money is in Switzerland in a trustfund but to get it I require money for a sheet ticket " he replies " that voice like a scam " 😂
17.
Easter Bunny ( L )
18.
investment funds advice : put brie on the sideboard before seam so it will be soft in the aurora
19.
do uranium guy commemorate when that terf made an a social media app where it skim ur facial expression to make certain you ’re a “ real woman ” before let you make an account and literally every trans woman on here managed to make an news report because the facial credit notice us all as female
20.
i understand why ppl get unbalanced about that book where stripling makeout in the anne frank house and that ’s why i absolutely never did shrooms there in college
21.
the Dominicus once it get down getting nice out
22.
This fine man was coquette with me and bribe me drinks last night so I give him my number and he gon say “ I have a Logos . ” I ’m like ok ? Then he die “ and I have a baby momma ” I ’m like duh . Then he says “ and we together ” … sir , why you ai n’t just say “ I have a gf ” 😂 😂 😂
23.
I just wanna be successful enough that if my kid grows up to pursue a career in the amusement industry , someone make a nasty Tiktok about how she ’s a Nepo infant
24.
I love when something is somebody else ’s job . That ’s my preferred kind of trouble .
25.
Do you cerebrate PET have the construct of ghost ? Like do they take the air around going “ this house has an ominous mien , it ’s credibly the spirit of the old dog who lived here ”
Don’t miss last week’s funniest tweets by women:
These 30 Hilarious Viral Tweets By cleaning lady Are So peculiar , They Make Me Wonder If Men Even Know What Humor Is
…or the funniest tweets by women of 2023 (so far)!
QUICK ! add up Laugh At The 50 Most Hilarious Tweets By char So Far In 2023 Before Twitter Becomes A Barren Wasteland
