" I direct them an itemized broadsheet for everything I paid for myself that they freely gave my pal and sister . "
Relationships between family members can get…complicated. At least27 percentof people in the US say they are currently estranged from someone in their family, theNew YorkTimesreports, and about 40 percent say they reached this point of strain with a former loved one at some point in their lifetime.
Such was the case for one Reddit user,u/Professional_Rub4448, who we’ll call Rub. Recently, Rub shared astoryabout their estranged parents in theAm I the Assholesubreddit, and it’s got people conflicted. Here’s what happened in their own words:
“My parents expected me to be independent the minute I turned 18. They gave me the money they had saved up for my education, and they started charging me rent. I was lucky enough to have a partial scholarship, and I found a job in the city my university was in, so I moved there before the school year began. With my parent’s money, my scholarship, and my wages, I was able to scrape by. I rarely if ever spoke with my parents.”
" I guess they decided that they did n’t want that kind of relationship with my younger siblings because they were not presented with the same choice . They both populate at home all through university and even afterwards . "
“I am 34 now with a decent job and a great girlfriend whom I will be marrying this summer. I sent my parents and siblings an invitation. They called me to ask why they were not involved in the wedding. I responded, saying that they hadn’t really been part of my life in 16 years and that I was being nice by inviting them. They said that they acknowledged that they made mistakes when I was young, but that it was in the past and that I should get over it.”
“Against my fiancée’s advice, I sent them an itemized bill for everything I paid for myself that they freely gave my brother and sister. I said if they wanted to be a part of my life, they had to ante up.”
" They said that they can not afford that because they are in debt still from helping my siblings out . I laughed at that and said I hoped that I would see them at the wedding and hang up . "
“My family are all getting ahold of me to let me know how much I’m hurting my parents. The thing is that I don’t want their money. And I don’t want anything from them at all other than their attendance at my wedding. If they can’t do that, then I’m fine with our yearly phone call,” Rub concluded.
WHEW. So that’s obviously a lot to take in, and though I originally felt steadfast in my opinion, the comment section was more nuanced. Some felt like Rub was acting “entitled” and believe their parents only had a duty to support them through college and not after:
" This is n’t really that terrible of a situation . They gave you money for school , money you probably used to get started once you moved to college . Like , that s a LOT more than most citizenry get . It imbibe that they helped out your siblings more , but it was only because they take in their mistakes with you . Unfortunately , that s how a lot of parent memorise ( with their older child ) . I really ca n’t imagine sending my parents a bill after they helped put me through college . The blooming audaciousness , " useru / innocentnevilsaid .
Others weren’t convinced and pointed out that money wasn’t the true issue here, but just an example of how Rub felt unsupported by their parents in comparison to their siblings.
" The crux of the affair is the iniquity of intervention between Rub and his siblings . It ’s not really the money . Presenting the flier was really giving the parent a big ol' portion of humble pie . Clearly , he does n’t really expect or desire that his parent would make fiscal amends,“u / busyshrewrebutted .
Useru/AshlynM2agreed, adding: “They reap what they sow. It’s not about the money, it’s about the drastically different treatment they gave their children. Then they expect to have a close relationship? I get that you didn’t really want their money, but that you wanted to make a POINT.”
" I hate when parent are like , ‘ Oh , it was so long ago , and face how happy you are now . You ’re fine . Get over it ! ’ Enjoy your life , and your annual phone call . The best revenge is dwell well . "
Outside of the debate over finances, many couldn’t believe that Rub’s parents would only wake up to the lack of relationship they had with their sonafterreceiving a wedding invite — and then expect to be involved on top of that.
" Not the mother fucker . possibly the itemized card was a bit much , but I suppose it was cathartic for you . Your parents have n’t been around in a decade and a one-half . They have a luck of nerve to necessitate to be involve , " say useru / Poetry - dreams .
Some said they wouldn’t have invited the parents at all.
" Not the asshole . I would n’t even have invite them at all . These the great unwashed that kick out their child at 18 are unbelievable , " said useru / Karnataka11 .
And ultimately, commenters decided that Rub could invite whoever they want into not only their wedding preparation, but life as well:
" You get to adjudicate what eccentric of relationship is healthiest for YOU when it comes to your parent . You show how you mat , and so did they . Does n’t seem like they actually desire to take responsibility for make a misapprehension , but are squeeze you to ' get over it . ' They had 16 geezerhood to make it right and choose not to . Now , they have to serve to family and friends about their participation in your wedding and are hear to make you look like the sorry guy .
I do recollect it ’s authoritative to sour out these feelings and sizable boundaries in therapy if you have n’t done so already . But that is for your health and has nothing to do with them , " concluded useru / Jenuine_jeanna .
