" Do you suppose it ’s maybe because you refuse to help me white ? Do you think it ’s peradventure because of the fact that whenever I ask for your help , you tell me , ' Well , you do it well than me , ' or ' Maybe later ' ? Or the fact that at least once a month , you holler at me for not making the food right ? Do you think it ’s due to the fact that you never once woke up at night for the child and would scream at me when one of them awake you up crying ? "
Warning : This post talk about verbal and excited vilification .
I don’t know if you’re familiar with ther/DeadBedroomssubreddit, but it’s a place where people on the internet can vent about their relationships that they feel are severely lacking in sexual intimacy. If I’m being honest, it can be a very sad, toxic place.
There’s a lot that gets said in the posts on the sub, but there’s also plenty that often goesunsaid. Recently, this 2021postfrom Reddit useru/Throwaway-hurt-wife(or OP, for original poster) has beenrecirculatingon Twitter, and it’s a perfect example of that exact situation. It’s also a perfect example of how husbands in heterosexual marriages often feel entitled to sex, even when they bring the bare minimum (or, dare I say, absolutely nothing) to the relationship.
The post, titled “Letter to My Husband. I Hope You See This,” calls out the fact that OP’s husband has been posting in the subreddit complaining about their sex life without telling the full story, and OP does NOT mince words. Here are some snippets:
“You’ve posted several times in this sub complaining that I don’t fuck you enough. You post that I shrink away from your touch and you just DoNt KnOw WhAt To Do AnYmOrE? Instead of complaining to internet strangers and making me seem like a frigid bitch who ‘might have some childhood trauma regarding sex’ (which isn’t even true??? What is wrong with you?!), maybe you should try looking inward.”
From there, OP gets intoherreasons for not wanting to sleep with her husband: “Do you think it’s maybe because you refuse to help me clean? Do you think it’s maybe because of the fact that whenever I ask for your help, you tell me, ‘Well, you do it better than me,’ or ‘Maybe later’? Or the fact that at least once a month, you yell at me for not making the food correctly? Do you think it’s due to the fact that you never once woke up at night for the babies and would yell at me when one of them woke you up crying? Or because of the fact that across three kids, you’ve changed MAYBE FIVE diapers in total? Do you think it’s because you refuse to spend any time at all with me and the kids?”
It gets worse. Not only is OP’s husband a total absentee father, but he’s also incredibly selfish in bed. OP claims that whenever theydohave sex, he makes absolutely zero effort to make it enjoyable for her, and even made her THROW OUT HER VIBRATORS because OP “shouldn’t have anything except [her] husband inside [her].”
OP concludes in the post, “Maybe, instead of coming to Reddit and making me seem like the bad guy, FIX YOURSELF FIRST. Words don’t describe the contempt I feel for you after finding your multiple posts across different subs about how I hate sex and am ‘possibly asexual.’ I love sex. I used to have good sex. I miss it. I don’t miss you anymore. I hope you read this. Don’t believe everything you read here, people. There’s always another side. And to all the men complaining here that their wives don’t fuck them enough, maybe stop to consider the fact that YOU might be the issue.”
I’m going to call OP’s husband’s behavior exactly what it is: abuse. Luckily, OP posted anupdatesharing that she was pursuing a divorce and “couldn’t be happier.” Here’s hoping she hasn’t had to see or speak to this loser since!
As horrific as OP’s situation with her husband is or was, it’s unfortunately not unique. According to a2018 surveyby Glamour and GQ, 59% of the men they spoke to agreed that husbands are “entitled” to sex from their wives (and 46% agreed that boyfriends are “entitled” to sex from their girlfriends). And a more recent2022 studyfound that men are viewed as more entitled to orgasms than women.
" This is why I always take billet on here with a grain of salt . A all in bedroom is one affair , but if you are n’t willing to come to the tabular array to fix it , then you are just as much part of the problem as the person not concerned in sex . It also trivialise and invalidate people on here with genuine subject with their sex life . Good on you — kick that fucker out . "
— u / doobey1231
" This subreddit tends to show everything from the side of the eminent libido ( and rightfully so ; they have every rightfield to complain ) . But sometimes there really are intellect that someone might not be attracted to you . I call back in past relationships , I was always the low - libido married person , and I ’m still low-toned libido than my partner now , but not half as bad , and that ’s because my previous partners were awful to me and sometimes full-strength - up abusive . I take my part of the deal and I forge on my modest libido a lot , and that ’s because my wife really treat me great .
" The bottom descent is , nobody is ' entitled ' to sex from anybody , especially if they treat them ill . Sexual compatibility is a legit government issue , and sometimes it is n’t always libido related . "
— u / grandmasterPRA
And some even shared how OP’s experience mirrored their own:
" She posted my life to an exact T. I could ’ve written this myself . He was just one more task for me at the close of the daylight . I wanted sex , just not sexual practice from a selfish , self-loving , lazy asshole . Leave him ! I did … best decision I ever made for myself and my kids . "
— u / michelenedawn
" This sounds just like my husband — 20 years of his bullshit . No helper with the house or the kids . Wants sex in the center of the night or when we ’re impart to go somewhere , so we ’re later . knock my body and is super nasty justly after sexual urge . I could go on . After I heighten our babies with no help , and give him everything he said he want , he lately leave behind me for another woman who ’s 18 year old than he is . Her kids are my husband ’s age . He says he was ' never happy ' with me . Says we do n’t cluck . So be careful , OP . Men who act like that are so selfish , nothing is good enough for them no matter what you try out . And it ’s possible you ’ll put in all this work for your family , and then he ’ll leave you anyway . "
— uranium / cupateatoo
I personally can’t congratulate OP enough for taking a stand and moving forward with a divorce, but there are some key things to take away from this story: First, NO ONE is entitled to sex, no matter the situation. And second, always consider that there’s probably another side to the story if someone is complaining about their partner not sleeping with them enough.
If you or someone you know is in straightaway danger as a result of domesticated fierceness , call 911 . For anon. , secret help , you’re able to call the 24/7National Domestic Violence Hotlineat 1 - 800 - 799 - 7233 ( SAFE ) or chat with an proponent via the web site .
