" I realized that it did n’t weigh how important the situation was or how much was on the line , he would simply claim he did n’t have sex how until I ( or his mother ) picked up the slump . He would let things come apart before handling his life-time himself . I refused to marry into a lifetime of parenting this homo . "
You’ve probably heard the term"weaponized incompetence"thrown around quite a bit in the last few years, mostly thanks to the term gaining popularity onTikTok. Basically, it refers to when a partner pretends not to know how to do something in order to get out of doing it. Re: laundry, grocery shopping, etc. It’s not exclusive to a certain gender, but straight men tend to be the ones who do it the most.
Someone in my mention was stunned that weaponized incompetency " is a real thing" . perceivable . This is a new term for an old behavior . But for sport , as a treat , how about we share our most cockeyed experience of weaponize incompetence .
Cooper herself also has personal experience with weaponized incompetence. In fact, she ended a relationship over it. “The breaking point was when he didn’t file the paperwork necessary for our international marriage to be legal, saying it was too hard to make the phone calls and he didn’t know what to do. Eventually he had his mummy pick up the slack. We were in our late 20s, the man knew how to google and pick up a phone. Because we were citizens of different countries, timing was tight and getting paperwork done was vital to everything working. I remember this moment as the one where I realized that it didn’t matter how important the situation was or how much was on the line, he would simply claim he didn’t know how until I (or his mother) picked up the slack. He would let things fall apart before handling his life himself. I refused to marry into a lifetime of parenting this man, and shortly after this, I walked away.”
Unsurprisingly, most of those who responded to Cooper’s Twitter thread were women sharing their own stories of when a male partner dropped the ball. And yes, they’re just as frustrating as you’d imagine. Here’s just a few:
1.
My ex put bleaching agent in a dark consignment deliberately . When I ask why , he said , " Because I do n’t want to do washables , and you will never enquire me to do it again ! "
2.
My ex render to recount me he did n’t bang how to utilize bleach in the washing simple machine . I ’m like you put it in the hole next to the detergent that says “ bleach ” . He ’s a software architect that make 6 name .
3.
I asked my ex ( a 40 year sometime man who ’d been live on his own for 20 twelvemonth ) if he ’d moil some water in the kettle for me . And he asked “ How do I do that ? ” To be decipherable , this was his house , his range , and his kettle hole .
4.
My married man : I do nt know where to put the dishes out . Its confusingAlso my husband : I know the location of all division in my warehouse , my inventory is prepare utterly . Me : and yet you do nt have it away where dishes are store
5.
I asked my x to pick the tv stand / tv ( debris ) . Showed him what to use . I look over & he ’s using the wrong matter on the video screen , which could do damage . I say something . He say “ Well if I ca n’t do it YOUR agency I think I just wo n’t do it anymore , since I ca n’t do anything right . ”
6.
My ex resist to strip his bathroom and when he moved out the faucet was n’t work and I learned he had n’t shower in at least 6 weeks and was just using babe wipes .
7.
My ex refuse to ever pass over down surfaces . The kitchen counter after doing smasher , dusting the life room , cleaning the cascade / lavatory , etc . He take that my “ cleaning standards were too mellow ” & said he could “ never make me happy , ” despite me telling him precisely what would .
8.
The men in my family can sterilize engine , computing machine and do dwelling house repairs but dissemble like breaking down a corner for recycling is impossible .
9.
I would expect my ex-husband to deal dinner party for us on day where I worked 3 or more of my 5 jobs . He would typically either 1 ) ask me to heel the thing we had available to make in the menage or 2 ) rank out and get me to pay for my half .
10.
My pa is 73 and claims not to bonk how to execute the lavation machine .
11.
One of the last straws for me regarding my before long - to - be - X - married man was that he separate me he could n’t fold his own thymine - shirt while sitting down . I had n’t even put the T - shirt in his neighbourhood to have him fold up it- I just perch it by him . I looked at him like he had three school principal .
12.
My married man never cooked and never contrive meal and operate to the store . He moved out to subsist with his much younger girlfriend without so much as telling me or the kids , and the next week I run into him at the food market story agitate his cart and grease one’s palms all the things !
13.
“ Can you clean the mirror?”“What do I utilize for that?”“Glass clean . ”“Where do we keep that?”“With all the other cleaning supply , same place since we moved here six years ago . ”“What does it wait like?”“It - it ’s blue and label Glass Cleaner . ”“Oh . How do you use it ? ”
14.
I was working 2 jobs and going to college full - clock time , and I scram home & my boyfriend who did n’t have to work had cooked dinner party , so I asked what we were eating . He say he only made enough for himself because he did n’t know what foods I liked . We had been together over a year .
15.
I PERSONALLY know someone that severalize their wife “ I ’m the type of somebody that will purposely mess up up so that you wo n’t demand me again . ” They are disassociate today . 🫶🏽 🙌 🏽
So, yes…weaponized incompetence is indeed real, and it must be stopped. Men, do better!!!
When asked why she thinks this is such a pervasive issue, especially with male-female couples, Cooper responded, “Anyone can enact this behavior, but if we are zeroing in on why its so pervasive in cishet couples, especially surrounding domestic labor, the simple answer is that people don’t like to give up privilege. Why put in effort when you’ve always been able to get by without giving any?”
She continued, “Women are still expected to perform the majority of domestic labor. Work that is coded as female is often looked down upon, and boys grow up in a world that chastises and brutalizes them for anything seen as feminine, while teaching them that women are responsible for running and organizing their lives.”
In terms of what she thinks needs to change in order to stop weaponized incompetence from ruining women’s lives, Cooper told BuzzFeed, “We can’t control the behaviors of others, all we can do is control how we respond. Women have started refusing to accept this behavior. Our ability to share stories on social media can give us insight into our shared experiences. Having a name for what is happening, ‘weaponized incompetence,’ allows people to articulate what is happening to them and realize they aren’t imagining it.”
“I think there’s also so much to be said about raising boys with a better model of behavior and equity within the home, and not raising little girls as if they are mini parents, in charge of ensuring the behavior and compliance of the boys,” she said. “This happens all the time, where we expect discipline and organization from girls at a very young age, and task them with keeping boys in line.”
In closing, Cooper had this to say: “Weaponized incompetence truly isn’t unique to a gender or a certain type of person. But because its so prevalent in the home, and it’s so often exercised around tasks that are coded as feminine, it’s worth examining how we train boys to feel above this work. Misogyny can be insidious.”
To see even more of the responses on Cooper’s thread,click here. You can alsofollow her on Twitter.
